tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-446049270059337405.post1827882195831218026..comments2021-01-07T07:11:24.205-06:00Comments on Fen's Thoughts: #131 The Dragon SlayerFenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06348152970109407543noreply@blogger.comBlogger6125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-446049270059337405.post-10098541488683524192011-08-09T21:23:42.954-05:002011-08-09T21:23:42.954-05:00A Drill Sargent once said to me, "Stop being ...A Drill Sargent once said to me, "Stop being afraid of your own damn shadow. Grow a back bone!" <br /><br />It was probably the single most powerful thing anyone had ever said to me. <br /><br />Up until that point I had lived in a world limited by many things. My financial situation. My family situation. But above all, I had been limited by myself. <br /><br />It's so very easy to label ourselves as one way, to concentrate on one aspect of our lives and our actions until that is all we think we are. To put ourselves in a small box and hide behind the walls of our creation, so we can say, "No, I can't do that, I'm limited." Or even worse, "I wish I could do that, but..."<br /><br />Our world is not made up of black and white, so there is no reason we should be created that way, either. We are all shades of gray, with spots of color thrown in for good measure. How we choose to paint the world around us is up to us, and only us. We can influence people, we can change our surroundings, but until we accept ourselves for everything we are, the good and the bad, then nothing in our life will change. <br /><br />I made a choice that day to stop letting my fear rule me, but I've fallen back behind those walls a few times. That is the true challenge in any life, and one that takes most of us a lifetime to truly overcome. <br /><br />Good luck on your journey! And thanks for helping me with mine.Kellynoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-446049270059337405.post-1810922341481181092011-08-09T17:25:56.758-05:002011-08-09T17:25:56.758-05:00Cool, happy days, thanks, that's encouraging a...Cool, happy days, thanks, that's encouraging and helpful.adrian clarkhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13346771853250756883noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-446049270059337405.post-85443004747439265172011-08-08T22:06:46.389-05:002011-08-08T22:06:46.389-05:00Fen, your on-going journey, as manifested through ...Fen, your on-going journey, as manifested through this blog, is a powerful and real testimony to "pre" and "post" Black Hearts....it is so clear to me where you have been, where you now are, and where you are going....<br /><br />if only more people could see things as clearly as you now do without having to experience the trauma that you did.....<br /><br />JDAnonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-446049270059337405.post-16174585642742150022011-08-08T18:13:35.188-05:002011-08-08T18:13:35.188-05:00Adrian - As usual, thank you for your comments. I...Adrian - As usual, thank you for your comments. I appreciate that you take the time to reply and to carefully consider what it is you have to offer me and others who read the blog. <br /><br />You are not alone in telling me that you think that my writing is self-serving. Others have done the same. And others have also suggested that I take time off from the blog. I choose each week to continue my writing for my own reasons. The choice to read it rests solely with others. <br /><br />The blog is self-serving in that it is the vehicle that I have chosen to express my thoughts and ideas about the Army, my service, and in a larger sense my life. The recent posts chronicling my journey of discovery actually stem from something that you mentioned in your reply above. During my early career, I was continually rewarded and feted and chosen and groomed and put on a pedestal. That most certainly happened and lasted almost a decade. And along the way, I stopped listening to me and started chasing the next brass ring. Each accomplishment was never enough. I was always looking for the next accolade or pat on the head. My identity became too closely tied to the Army's wants and designs for me and not for myself. <br /><br />As my world started to come unraveled after Black Hearts, the consuming idea then became to claw back up that pedestal at any cost. I would only be made whole when the Army granted me absolution and returned me to a position of trust and authority. What I could not see then, was that the only person who can grant that to me is me. And that has been the journey I have been on over the last 5 months. To learn enough about myself to know who and what I am irrespective of any outside thoughts. <br /><br />Interestingly, over the last 5 months, as the writing has become more personal and less just ranting at the institution or seeking some absolution from the Army,, those closest to me have seen a very positive effect on me. Since you inquired about it, my wife is a strong supporter of the writing and has seen a very marked positive change in me since I started looking for my authentic self rather than some made up character that the Army created. <br /><br />Each week now I am finding new truths about me and spending considerable time thinking about them. This week was no different. The dragon slayer title has more to do with me viewing my world as a problem all the time and not as easily seeing it as an adventure to be lived in it's fullest measure. Seeing both the goodness and challenges in equal measure and having the self-confidence to know that I can handle each in it's own space. That is all I meant by that.<br /><br />Again, thanks for your thoughts. I certainly appreciate them and consider them each time you reply. <br /><br />V/R<br />JeffFenhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06348152970109407543noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-446049270059337405.post-15473535145174417212011-08-08T16:40:48.451-05:002011-08-08T16:40:48.451-05:00Who is speaking truth into your life Jeff? How do...Who is speaking truth into your life Jeff? How does your wife feel about being married to a dragon slayer? Is that what she truly wants? How do you see the condition of your relationship when you are elderly and far into the twilight of your lives? Is this examination of 'self' building to an ever deeper, more understanding, loving and harmonious loving relationship?<br /><br />Let me offer you a different perspective Jeff. Having read a great deal of your writing I am feeling bold enough to step over the boundaries of gentleness and common courtesy. Your writing is self serving and egotistical. This leads to the deduction that the service you give to your nation and family primarily affirms you needs and bolsters that sense of pride and achievement, leaving you feeling like a conquering lion (or dragon slayer).<br /><br /> You and your achievements have been mounted on a pedestal by the Army and it must be driving those who love you mad. Your position and status has taken over and, if the comments on the blog are anything to go by, you are surrounded by sycophants, none of whom are in a position to love you well with the truth. Your meta-narrative is self and I am left wondering what survival skills those who love you most have adopted.<br /><br />My encouragement would be to take a season of listening. Ditch the blogging and speaking and take a different perspective. Ignore the Ralph Emerson or T Jefferson school of ideas as they just reinforce your prejudices and try some Jonathan Edwards or Charles Spurgeon and if you want to be contemporary try C S Lewis or Tim Keller, The Reason for God Belief in An Age of Skepticism, (if I knew your address I would gift you a copy). <br /><br />What makes me so confident and bold? It's because I see what I once was in your writing and I too needed people who speak candid truths into my life (still do and fortunately have). You have a soul Jeff and your life has meaning and purpose in a far richer and more rewarding way than the Army has provided or these thoughts reflect.<br /><br />I really do appreciate you laying out your thoughts. They capture the dominant cultural narrative beautifully and I only hope that my counter cultural response captures your imagination. Perhaps it may lead to you adopting a refreshing new approach to the rest of the summer season.<br /><br />Adrianadrian clarkhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13346771853250756883noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-446049270059337405.post-17330842439845586202011-08-07T05:57:33.476-05:002011-08-07T05:57:33.476-05:00Really great blog/thoughts!....understanding who y...Really great blog/thoughts!....understanding who you are, the good, the bad and the ugly....the authentic you....the authentic self.....striving to be as knowledgable of the self as is humanly possible....<br /><br />which, in the pefect world, would lead to an appropriate and sound level of self-regulation - of managing, shaping, and controling the good, the bad, and the ugly....<br /><br />In the last week or so I have been provided with more "ammunition" that our Army and some of its leader developers like to talk about self-awareness and say the Army is doing it....but I beg to differ....I am convinced that you can tell how self-aware someone is by what they say, think, and do....and unless people are consciously choosing to be selfish, self-serving, and "me me me" - then they lack in both self-awareness and/or self-regulation (or else they simply don't really understand these constructs)....<br /><br />and to better be able to lead others, understand one's environment, and effect positive change, maximizing SA/SR is a must....<br /><br />JDAnonymousnoreply@blogger.com