tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4460492700593374052023-11-15T10:05:18.203-06:00Fen's ThoughtsA Leader Development Blog focused on the military.
"A strong leader knows that if he develops his associates he will be even stronger" - James F LincolnFenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06348152970109407543noreply@blogger.comBlogger154125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-446049270059337405.post-2955938454932906642012-03-06T19:34:00.003-06:002012-03-07T13:19:13.399-06:00#154 A Fork in the Road<span style="font-family:arial;color:#000000;">Dear Readers - </span><br /><div><br /></div><br /><div><span style="font-family:arial;color:#000000;">After much consideration and internal debate, I have decided to stop writing Fen's Thoughts here on blogspot and to move the discussion over to Facebook. This post will be the last one that I publish here. From this point forward, I will publish Fen's Thoughts on it's own Facebook page as notes that will start with #155.</span></div><br /><div><span style="font-family:arial;"><br /><span style="color:#000000;"></span></span></div><br /><div><span style="font-family:arial;color:#000000;">I want to thank each of your for stopping by and visiting the blog here. I sincerely appreciate it. I hope that as I have shared my thoughts and my journey over the past 2 years or so, that it has caused you to think or reflect every now and again on your own life, your own journey, or your own understadning of leadership.</span></div><br /><div><span style="font-family:arial;color:#000000;"></span></div><br /><div><span style="font-family:arial;color:#000000;">Fen's Thoughts has been a very nice companion for me over the years. Sometimes it has been a well reasoned argument from someone trying to match the reality to the rhetoric, and sometimes it has been the petulant rantings of someone looking to blame the world for his life, his choices, and his circumstances. Regardless of what showed up here each week, the time spent typing and thinking and considering was well-spent. I enjoyed the solitude and the opportunity to think and form an idea and then build it and share it with others.</span></div><br /><div><span style="font-family:arial;color:#000000;"></span></div><br /><div><span style="font-family:arial;color:#000000;">And that is another reason that I am moving it to Facebook. The format here never really did foster the discussion that I had hoped it would. The place for people to come and share ideas and thoughts and understandings. Something we could all grow from in some small way. The Fen's Thoughts Facebook page is already doing that.</span></div><br /><div><span style="font-family:arial;color:#000000;"></span></div><br /><div><span style="font-family:arial;color:#000000;">So, it is time for my good friend and trusty companion of the last 2-plus years to part ways here. We have come to a fork in the road. And finally, and with a heartful of gratitude for everything these pages have provided me, it is time to shut this down and move the dicussion in new direction. Looking forward to Chapter 2......</span></div><br /><div><span style="font-family:arial;color:#000000;"></span></div><br /><div><span style="font-family:arial;color:#000000;"></span></div>Fenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06348152970109407543noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-446049270059337405.post-34342180864036476432012-02-04T17:16:00.005-06:002012-02-04T19:21:43.183-06:00#153 Taking Ownership<span class="Apple-style-span" >A few weeks ago I received the following paragraph from a friend of mine that has been on my mind ever since. It part of a paper entitled "The Problem of War, C.S. Lewis on Pacifism, War & the Christian Warrior", written by Darrell Cole. There is a section of the paper entitled, 'The Demands of Chivalry' that caught my eye and is the focus of most of my thoughts today.</span><div><span class="Apple-style-span" ><br /></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" > http://touchstonemag.com/archives/article.php?id=16-03-045-f</span><div><span class="Apple-style-span" ><br /></span></div><div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" >"Lewis's essay on chivalry is an exemplary argument about Christian just war-making. Lewis saw what few of our contemporaries do: that just war requires just people to wage it. Chivalry is, properly speaking, the character that enables human beings to be 'fierce to the <i>n</i>th degree meek to the <i>n</i>th degree. Thus, the medieval ideal brings together two things that do not grow together naturally in a human being: fierceness and meekness. To acquire such a character is no easy matter. As Lewis reminds us, the knight is a work of art, not nature. Those who are naturally fitted to war-like pursuits will have to acquire the virtues of humility and mercy to supplement their inherent fierceness. Those who are naturally meek will have to acquire the virtues of courage and valor to supplement their natural humility and mildness. " </span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" ><br /></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" >The beginning sentences of the next paragraph almost stunned me in their clarity and simplicity and truth.</span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" ><br /></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" >"Nations who wish to fight just wars must produce just commanders and soldiers to fight them. If we cannot produce chivalrous persons, then we end up with people who are useful in battle but useless in peace, or who are useful in peace but useless in battle."</span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" ><br /></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" >As my journey has progressed, I have become aware in very tangible and real ways of my own power. My own capacity. I have learned to listen very carefully to my self and to pay attention to when I am most calm and focused and centered and clear and thoughtful and complete. I have learned to listen to that and to seek it out in times when I lose sight of it. When something seems to knock me backwards a step or when I have a moment of doubt. I am learning to pay attention to that uncomfortableness and then trace it back to a cause. When did I leave the powerful and clear and calmly sure place and start to drift? Why? When? And I have learned to fight my way back. Back to the place of calm, confident, control. I have learned, to a degree, to channel and keep hold of that powerful place inside me. Every single day, I can feel myself moving further and further away from my fear-based past and towards this place of deep strength and true comfortable power.</span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" ><br /></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" >What the hell does all that have to do with C.S. Lewis, just war, and chivalry? A lot I think. A hell of a lot. Ever since the holidays, my writing and thinking has been consumed in one form or another with the idea of responsibility and accountability and ownership of your life, your decisions and your behavior. That you make choices and you are responsible for those choices. That you make decisions as a leader and you are responsible for those decisions. That you make just and right choices, or unjust and wrong choices and you have to live up to those decisions. That you must find, develop, and then listen to your code.</span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" ><br /></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" >In Post 150, the message was simple. <span class="Apple-style-span" >"Don't rape."</span> Not <span class="Apple-style-span" >"Don't rape because if you do I will put you in jail and you will have XYZ happen to you."</span>, but simply <span class="Apple-style-span" >"Don't rape. It's not what good men and good warriors and good Soldiers do."</span> End of story. Anything more than that, anything that lays out potential punishment etc should not be necessary. Rape is against the code. In Post 151, I came to see the true power of me in a very clear and concise and pointed and sharp manner for, quite possibly, the first time. I truly saw the implications and gained an understanding of my own power. My own strength. My own truth as a man and as a leader. I have never in my life felt so authentically alive as I did when I wrote that. Believe me, it was like a veil was lifted from my eyes and I could finally step into a place that was totally and completely mine. I am now making choices and decisions because they are right or wrong for me, not because of what I think might happen to me if I choose incorrectly. In Post 152, that authentic power and decision making and choice acceptance suddenly came with consequences. I am accountable for my choices, my decisions, my actions. My life is not an accident. It is mine. I choose it and I make decisions in it that have outcomes and I am responsible for those outcomes. That is what self-leadership is about. And for a man who spent many years trying to make sure he wasn't wrong, so he didn't get caught, the idea of stepping into my powerful self, making my own choices and accepting that no matter what, I am responsible for those choices, is a very very big leap forward. </span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" ><br /></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" >"Just war requires just people to wage it...."</span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" ><br /></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" >"The Knight is a work of art, not nature...."</span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" ><br /></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" >"Nations who wish to fight just wars, must produce just commanders and Soldiers to fight them."</span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" ><br /></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" >"Chivalry is....the ability to be fierce in the <i>n</i>th degree and meek in the <i>n</i>th degree...."</span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" ><br /></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" >In response to Post 152, a friend of mine said it was a <span class="Apple-style-span" >"Swing and a miss"</span>. I understand now that he was right. I was refusing to bring all of me and my power to that place to affect change. I wanted to expect that you knew what right looked like and would automatically do it, instead of realizing that I have a responsibility to demonstrate the Knight's code by my total immersive demonstrated powerful self. That it is not the position I hold that commands the respect of those who are below me on the hierarchy, it is me. It is me that they will or wont follow, me they will or wont respect, me they will or wont want to emulate and learn from. It is not the rank I have or the title I hold. It is Fenlason. That is who they are ultimately following. And I am responsible for him. No one else. Without excuse or worry. You are not responsible for my decisions, I am. And once made and once chosen, using all of my power, all of my authentic self, I will move the organization in the direction of my vision. </span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" ><br /></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" >And so justice and justness become critical considerations. Those we choose to fill leadership positions must possess the judgment to be just. To be fierce and to be meek. To be chivalrous. To step into all of their power and fully realize and accept that it is they who are the role models and mentors and leaders. It is they who have to set and establish and demand adherence to the Knight's code. It is they who have to establish and enforce and teach chivalry. It is me. </span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" ><br /></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" >I keep coming back to the quote that the Knight is a work of art, not nature. Today, right here and right now, that feels so very true to me. I have come along way on my journey. I feel like all the chipping away and sculpting and starting over and missed brush strokes and erasing and missed steps have finally shown me what i needed to see. It finally feels like a lot of it is starting to come together. </span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" ><br /></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" >As always, your thoughts and comments are welcome.</span></div><div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div></div></div></div>Fenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06348152970109407543noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-446049270059337405.post-62744650738952748432012-01-21T17:43:00.006-06:002012-01-22T11:06:41.676-06:00#152 Accountability<span class="Apple-style-span" >Just before the holidays, I wrote post #150 and sent a version of it to an online publication called The Good Men Project ( www.goodmenproject.com). It was selected and published under the title "Who Will Show the Young Men How to Act?" It was the first piece that I have written and had published outside of Fen's Thoughts. I am very proud that they considered my writing worthy of publication.</span><div><span class="Apple-style-span" ><br /></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" >Out of that place though a series of questions about responsibility and accountability and how we live and lead have been kicking around in my head. And that's where this post is headed. </span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" ><br /></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" >On a very personal level, I have spent the past year slowly and painstakingly taking control of my life. Unraveling it and defining it and looking at it and changing it and struggling with parts of it and finding ways to see my 43 years more clearly. Ultimately, I have been claiming it...taking responsibility for it. Becoming accountable <i>for</i> it, and <i>to</i> it. It is my life. The set of days I have been given. It is my responsibility to live them well. I have gone from being a passive bystander in my own existence to an active leader of myself and my family. Slowly I have released blame and fear and worry and about how I should act or be, and just learned to see myself, and accept myself and and decide for myself where I need to be standing. I have taken accountability for myself. Learned to say, <span class="Apple-style-span" >"Here I am. Accept me or don't. That choice is yours."</span> I have started to live an intentional life. And living intentionally means actively deciding what is right for me and my family and then living with the outcomes of those choices. I am responsible to make the choices and accountable for the decisions. It is active living. Intentional living. </span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" ><br /></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" >And that sense of intention and accountability is important. In fact, it is critical. Personally and professionally. It took me most of my adult life to see how much I had been trying to shift those two to others for things that happened to me. To make excuses, to cover up the flaws and cracks, to find a million ways to not have to face the truth when things went badly or turned out differently than I expected. And I think that most people do the same. I am not alone here, folks. A lot of people are living exactly this way every day. I was just fortunate enough to have the chance to look this deeply at my life after a few important people prodded and poked at me enough to start me on the journey. If they had not, then I would likely still be living the same sort of half-life / half-lie I was before. Still daily trying to convince myself that I was 'in-charge' of my destiny and my life, when in fact all I was doing was running from any sense of responsibility for it. </span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" ><br /></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" >There is a difference between doing or choosing something because it is right for you, and simply following the rules because you might get in trouble or something might not turn out right and you might come up short. We live in a world right now where too many people are deluded into thinking that following the rules without consideration equals living. </span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" ><br /></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" >We live in a culture where nothing is anyone's fault. Ever. Whatever the issue, whatever the problem, whatever the scandal, when was the last time you ever heard someone stand up and say, <span class="Apple-style-span" >"I made that choice. It was a poor one. I am responsible for the outcome that happened. "</span>? And not in a 'mea culpa' sense either. When? And the answer is rarely. We lament the loss of the Harry Truman 'The Buck Stops Here' motto, but we also systematically fail to recognize that we have removed decision making and responsibility development from our children, our Soldiers and our society as a whole. Think about that. It matters. </span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" ><br /></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" >The part of my article on Good Men that seemed to grab a lot of people's attention was the idea what we call leadership is often nothing more than glorified babysitting. My point was that what most of us fail to recognize at all is the extent to which all of our lives are based upon the fear of something going wrong or having a bad outcome and then being blamed for that outcome. In the article, the idea that if I as a leader don't explicitly tell a Soldier <i><b>not</b></i> to do something over the weekend, then I own part of it if they choose to do it and it has a bad outcome. Once you start down that slippery slope, there is no ending.</span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" ><br /></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" >No. I am not responsible for every act of stupidity and senselessness and recklessness that my Soldiers participate in. They are. My job as a leader is to provide them the opportunity to exercise judgement that develops a positive sense of responsibility and accountability. To paint the picture of what a Soldier is. Not what you shouldn't do in order to not get in trouble but rather to paint a picture of what accountability in action looks like. To demonstrate and develop and guide young men. To accept them from whatever station in life they come to me, find their talents, develop them, and nurture them and ultimately, provide them with a strong sense of who they are and the values they espouse. That is my job. That is my calling. That is why I lead. My job isn't to worry and try to prevent them from doing every stupid, reckless, or wrong thing. That is leading from fear. My job is to paint a picture of how honorable and right and true and dedicated the profession of arms is, and then give my Soldiers the chance to live in that world. There is a huge difference between the world of <span class="Apple-style-span" >"Don't do this because you might get in trouble or hurt"</span>, and <span class="Apple-style-span" >"This is what a professional Soldier looks like and acts like. This is who we are and this is what I expect you to live up to."</span> There is a world of difference between those two places. And in that space is all the accountability and responsibility in the world. </span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" ><br /></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" >Earlier this week, there was a sensational story about a video which surfaced showing U.S. Marines desecrating the dead. And immediately the response mechanisms went into place. As the week progressed, I saw a lot of different comments regarding the rightness or wrongness of the action. But the one that struck me the most was someone asking the question, <span class="Apple-style-span" >"Where was their Squad Leader?"</span> Really? Does it really take a Staff Sergeant in the United States Marine Corps to tell you that urinating on dead bodies is wrong? Are we now going to hear leaders stand in front of their formations and read them the list of do's and dont's before each mission? Sadly we will. And many of you know it. </span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" ><br /></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" >There is no one to blame for this act except those who took part in it. Where we have failed is that we are no longer raising people to accept and embrace and want responsibility and accountability. We are too busy babysitting them and hoping to God that they do not go do something stupid that we hadn't considered. It's time to change the model from babysitter to leader. Instead of setting the bar for excellence, we find ourselves having to defend against stupidity and barbarism. Apparently the Army is looking into cruelty to goats...You can already see where that one is headed...</span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" ><br /></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" >As always, your thoughts and comments are welcome.</span></div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div>Fenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06348152970109407543noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-446049270059337405.post-47813974061895894312012-01-07T07:55:00.008-06:002012-01-09T21:39:59.415-06:00#151 Look In the Mirror and Listen<div><span class="Apple-style-span" >The new year is always time when people start to reflect on where they are and what happened in the past 12 months and what they hope to have happen in the coming year. Mot of us make resolutions to change this, or adjust that and promise ourselves that we will make a more concerted effort to do X or Y this year and then for the for the most part it dies away in the next couple weeks after the euphoria of the holidays wears off. Maybe some tinkering around the edges, but nothing substantive.<br /><br /></span><div><span class="Apple-style-span" >But occasionally something different happens. Sometimes you are just travelling along your path and in an instant, or the turn of a phrase, something seems to fall into place, another layer of film gets removed, and the picture becomes much clearer. Then your resolution has a chance. </span></div><span class="Apple-style-span" ><br />This past week my leadership style and the core behaviors that make up who I am as a man came together in a perfectly clear way. Who I am as a person came into perfect concert with how I best lead. Instead of being aware of a title, or a label or a set of responsibilities etc, there was a seemelss feel that who I am is so inherently connected to how I lead that I could not feel any separation between the two. You could not have one without the other. You could not have the Jeff without the recognizing the Leader, and you don't get to the Leader without having Jeff. I was leading from my core.<br /><br />What became clear to me is that I lead best by calm and reason and patience. I lead best by meeting you where you are, and moving you where I need you to go. Where the organization needs to be. Yelling, screaming, dictatorial leadership models don't work for me. Might sound really cool on tv, but it doesn't work for me. </span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" ><br /></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" >It is really important to recognize and figure out how you lead so that you don't end up just play-acting. So that your leadership is you writ large. It's not a title - 'Leader' - it's who you are. Your leadership is one of the many parts of your core. This may seem apparent to a lot of people, but I assure you it's not. If it were, we wouldn't have 8 zillion books printed about leadership. We would simply teach people to recognize and listen to their truest selves. To accept themselves as whole and complete. As a palette of infinite colors. People would stop buying the next self-help book and learn to see themselves accurately.<br /><br />Those are two big paragraphs actually. The first a recognition that I am not a typical or even a prototypical Army leader. That I am unique. And that uniqueness stems solely from who I am. As a person, as a man, as a Soldier, husband, father. Not some cardboard caricature creation pumped out by a leadership school to look exactly like every one who has come before. No. I am uniquely me. My truest leadership flows from a calm and centered place that is at the core of me. The essence of me is the essence of my leadership. Discovering, uncovering, finding, naming, understanding...all of those things that it took for me to see me are also the exact things it takes to see my leadership. I have mentioned over and over that we need to turn the leadership model inward. I am right. I will be a better leader in 2012 than I ever have been because I am a better man. Not because I went to a class or took a new job or got a new title. I will be a better leader because I have found a core truth.<br /><br />That core truth is simple. I am most comfortable when I am in charge. I can certainly follow someone else's lead, and will gladly do so when I really recognize that they, too, are operating from a place of pure clarity, but it is not my natural place in the Universe. My natural place is to lead. Not in a dictatorial manner, but lead nonetheless. I prefer to guide and teach. Calm and focused on the outcome. I am patient and willing to listen and be flexible. Focused and not easily distracted by the small things. I want you to grow. I am willing to hear your ideas. I want to share ownership. There are times when I need to step in directly and firmly and without equivocation or debate, but they are rare and not generally my style. I will listen and hear and consider, but ultimately, I will decide.<br /><br />2011 was an incredible year for me. I transformed my entire life. Literally. There is not one aspect of it that wasn't pulled apart and studied and adjusted. Not a stone left unturned. And on New Year's Eve, the only thing I could find to make a resolution about is to listen very closely to those core things that make me, me. And to never waiver, apologize, nor forget the essence of who I am. If I can do that then I lead from a place of comfortable peace. That should be our goal.<br /><br />Sometime during the last year, I came across the following quote:<br /><br /><span class="Apple-style-span" >"To be nobody but yourself in a world that is doing it's best to make you like everybody else means to fight the hardest battle which any human being can fight and to never stop fighting."</span><br /><br />e. e. cummings<br /><br />So here is my first post of 2012. I would like to invite you to fight too. Take a look in the mirror and listen.<br /><br /><br /></span><div><span class="Apple-style-span" ><br /></span></div><span class="Apple-style-span" ><br /><br /></span><div><span class="Apple-style-span" ><br /></span></div><span class="Apple-style-span" ><br /><br /></span><div><span class="Apple-style-span" ><br /><br /><br /></span><div><span class="Apple-style-span" ><br /></span></div><span class="Apple-style-span" ><br /></span><br /><div></div></div></div>Fenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06348152970109407543noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-446049270059337405.post-39862134818933253722011-12-18T11:19:00.000-06:002011-12-19T07:21:15.529-06:00#150 Manhood, Soldiers and Leading<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Earlier this week I had a conversation with a friend of mine that raises some interesting questions about leadership. We were talking about an article on a website called "The Good Men Project" by Nikki Brown entitled, "<u>Why Are So Many Good Men Accepting of Rape Culture?</u>" You can find the link here:</span><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">http://goodmenproject.com/gender-sexuality/why-are-so-many-good-men-accepting-of-rape-culture/</span><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">This is a a post about leadership, silence, enabling behavior, manhood and culture. It's a post about what you stand for. And it's a post that I came by the hard way. I read the article and was talking to my friend about it when she asked me one simple question: <span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #20124d;">"Would I talk about Rape Culture on the blog?"</span> I immediately said, <span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #20124d;">"No. It doesn't belong on my blog."</span> That argument lasted all of about 30 seconds. You either lead or you don't. How can I run a leadership blog and not talk about an issue such as the sexual assault and rape of a Service member? Especially in an organization comprised mostly of young men? How could I just turn a blind eye to that? </span><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Just because you may not see something as clearly as you need to right away, doesn't mean you don't have an obligation to respond and do whatever you can right now. In an organization like the Army, where sexual assault and Soldier rape is a real concern and an often under-reported problem, and with the system and culture that we operate under almost designed to make reporting as difficult as possible, how could this possibly not be a leadership issue? But I was still resistent. That's leadership in sort of corporate sense and for the last 6 months or so, the blog has moved away from that, away from institutional railing, and towards a more internal discussion. I didn't think our discussion had a place here. But somehow that didn't quite sit right with me either. There was something here worth looking at, but somehow I just wasn't comfortable with the discussion yet.</span><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Then the next surface argument fell by the wayside. That one went like this: I am a good man and I am not a rapist, so what does this have to do with me? I hate it that people get raped and I hate it more that Soldiers get raped because of the bond of trust and inclusion that we sold to them in their recruiting contract, but in my 22 years of service, I have only known one woman who was assaulted, so it hardly seems like something that I should concentrate my efforts on. But even as I was saying those words, the fallacy of that argument was apparent to me. Silence, my silence, leader silence, any silence, equals consent. That's lazy leadership. Leadership in title. Leadership designed to protect itself, not those who would be attacked. It's the 'I'm not a racist because I don't tell racist jokes, but I'll laugh if someone tells one.' argument. And it is paper thin and worthless. </span><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">That sort of left me nowhere to go. I was still uncomfortable with the whole discussion, but now I had to look a lot more carefully at it. I am a man. I have a responsibility to that group. A responsibility to help set, shape, guide, determine and state the norms of that group. Whether or not I wanted this responsibility is irrelevant. I am a man and therefore I have an obligation to help determine the acceptable behavior of men. To sit back and let my gender be co-opted by any other group is wrong. To condone the sexual assault and rape and abuse of women through my silence is the same as accepting and condoning racism or sexism, or stealing, or any other behavior outside the manhood code. </span><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">I am also Soldier. Narrowing down the above requirements of manhood to a particular caste of society. A particular group that operates in a particular way. I have an obligation to outline for them, to help them determine what being a Soldier means. What obligations they face. What responsibilities are inherent in the oath they took and the uniform they wear. </span><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">This is not really a post about rape or sexual assault. Not really. It's a post about the message we send when we tell someone that something, anything, is wrong because you might get in trouble if you get caught, versus teaching them that it is simply wrong. Rape and sexual assault are wrong under any circumstances. They are wrong if you never get caught. This is about the difference between protecting someone from themselves and teaching them accountability for themselves. One builds sheep. The other builds Warriors. </span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">The broader question here is who will lead them? Who will show young men what being a man, being an American, being a Soldier is about? Who will teach them to rise above and accept responsibility for their actions and themselves? Who will change the argument from "Don't do this, you might get in trouble." to "Don't do this because it is wrong. It is not what men do."? Who will change the discussion from a fear-based protect-your-ass one to a discussion of what being a Soldier really means? </span><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">We stand in front of our formations on a Friday afternoon and tell Soldiers not to drink and drive, not to drink and boat, not to use a BBQ grill inside, not to speed, not to drive on a suspended license, not to get arrested and anything else we can think of, but never say to them, "Don't rape. Don't sexually assault anyone. Ever. Under any circumstances. Not your wife, your girlfriend, your boyfriend. No one. Ever. Oh, and by the way, you are also obligated as as a man, to intervene and stop it when it happens. It's not an option. It's part of the code." Why not? Why don't we ever have that conversation? Why are all the rape and sexual assault prevention strategies designed for women? Why are female Soldiers counseled and told and required to not be alone after dark? Why do all females learn to pay attention at all times to where they are, what they wear, the messages they send? What does it say about men and male Soldiers that our sisters-in-arms have to be worried and watchful for the very people they joined to serve with? Why are we not talking to men about a simple and straightforward and unassailable fact? Rape and sexual assault are wrong. All the time. Every time. Under any condition. There are no mitigating circumstances. It is not part of the code. It is not what it means to be a man. We really need to spend some time looking at that. The idea that instead of putting the responsibility of women to protect themselves at all costs, we put the responsibility where it belongs. On men. That we look at the whole support structure that sends messages every day that rape is a woman's issue. </span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">If you move the discussion away from rape and sexual assault the larger issue that all leaders face is determining what they stand for and to recognize how their actions and attention to something send a huge message to their subordinates. The requirement for some very overt role-modeling. No assumptions. No half-steps. Fully invested, bluntly spoken leadership. "This is right. This is wrong. This is what a man does. This is what a man doesn't. This is what a Soldier does. This is what a Soldier doesn't. Not because you will get caught, or get in trouble, or cause someone to have to fill out paperwork and be inconvenienced, but because it is wrong. Because it is not who Soldiers are. It is not who good men are. Moving the discussion away from the fear of getting caught or punished to the very positive place of self-definition. I do or don't do something not because I am afraid of the consequences, but because it is not part of my code of manhood.</span><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Step back a little further and an even more difficult question pops up...Why did I not see this right away? Why when I read the article did I not see how it applied to me immediately? Why did my eyes pass right over the fact that I am responsible at a very basic level to care about how my culture gets defined for me? Why did I not immediately see my obligation as an Army leader to help create good men? Not just good Soldiers, but good men. How could that happen? My own blindness to how I think, see, assimilate, process, and encounter my world was made apparent pretty quickly. In short order, I could no longer sit comfortably in my own ignorance. If it doesn't affect me, then it's not really my issue is a lazy and worthless answer. I cannot care about everything, but I can listen and care about what speaks to my heart. I have a long way to go to fully grasp all the parts of this discussion, but at least I am beginning to see how ignorant I am. Sometimes, knowing what you don't know is more important than knowing what you do.</span><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">So here it is. I am responsible and accountable for my actions and my behaviors. I am responsible to educate the next generation of young men about what I think it means to be a good man. I cannot sit back and let someone else decide that for me. I have to take an active role, and active part, I have to stand up and state my case. Otherwise the conversation, the roles, the rules, the norms, the acceptable behaviors all get made in my absence. I give up my right to complain and say "But that's not me!", if I do not stand up and say, "Enough."</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">It starts with the Friday afternoon safety briefing currently designed to protect a Soldier from himself and to allow me to say, "I told him not to do that..." It ends with a simple statement. "Don't Rape." There is an entire leadership journey between those two places. </span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">As always, your thoughts and comments are welcome.</span><br />
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<br />Fenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06348152970109407543noreply@blogger.com6tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-446049270059337405.post-86718032436221248092011-12-11T11:56:00.005-06:002011-12-11T15:32:20.738-06:00#149 Intention<span class="Apple-style-span" >In about 16 weeks, I will change jobs and change duty stations. I will move. This is relatively normal for the Army. People are always coming and going and the organization changes personnel all the time. What is a little significant about this change is that I will have been at my present location for almost exactly 9 years this tour, and 16 years throughout my career. That is highly unusual for most military people. To not be moving every 2 or 3 years. To have been in the same place for such a long time. Certainly, some of it has been by my design, and some has been by circumstance, but either way, I will be moving for only the 3rd time in a 22 year career. I know people who have moved 8 or 9 times by now and have boxes in their garage that still have the packing tape on them from the last move they made. For me and for my family, this is a huge change.</span><div><span class="Apple-style-span" ><br /></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" >This will be a significant move for a lot of reasons. Professionally, my responsibilities will increase one-hundred fold overnight. The demands on my time, my energy, my judgement, will never end. The requirements of the job are endless. And that is exactly the way I want it. I have enjoyed and relished the time in my current job, but the challenges ahead excite me and have me forward focused already. It's time to go. It's time to lead troops again. Just saying that makes me feel very good. I have spent a lot of time in the past 3 years trying to justify why I couldn't, or wouldn't, or didn't need to lead Soldiers again, but the truth is that I can, I will, and I do need to do it. Most of all though, I want to. I want back in the place I was designed and built and know to be. I want back in the arena. And I want back there because I know that in so many ways, I am the right guy for the job. </span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" ><br /></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" >Personally, this represents a lot more than just a job change or a new town to live in. This is a huge step in living authentically. About coming round again and living and working with intention. About accepting responsibility for my life completely. About bringing the full weight of my abilities, my passion, my drive, and my vision to every moment of my day. There have been many who have doubted me along the way, but I have always known that this is where I belong. This is about coming home. About coming back to where I belong but from an entirely different perspective. I actually feel differently about it now. I envision it differently than I have in the past. I am not excited about it as if I have been selected for something and then wondering how I am going to be 'successful' at it, but rather I am excited to finally be ready to accept the position as my own. There is a huge difference there. It's not about being excited about facing the challenges ahead, it's about being able to bring all of myself to the challenges. It's about leading instead of reacting. It's about a vision that is my own instead of worrying about what someone else might want for me. It's about knowing and following my heart and my gut and trusting them over anything and everything and anyone else. It is about stepping fully into the power of myself.</span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" ><br /></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" >I have been representing this move to people as a new beginning for me. But maybe it's not actually new at all. Maybe what it is is finally being ready to step into a place that I have been working towards for awhile. And knowing it. Knowing for certain that this place is where I should be. I could not have done any of this without the journey. I would have failed again for the same reason I failed the first time. It would have been play-acting. Now I am ready. And maybe that is the new beginning. That for the first time in my whole life, I am ready to live. Ready to live fully. Ready to lead totally. Ready to accept responsibility for the totality of my existence. That, I think, is a new beginning. I am ready to take full possession of my life. Me. My family, my profession. All of it. A life to be lived with intention. A life to be lived, not to be acted upon. Choices to be made, not incidents reacted to. I am no longer a victim of circumstance, I am living a life that has offered me the fullest measures of victory and happiness and love as well as loss and sorrow and defeat. And I am all the more complete because of it. The life I have led has brought me to this place. I am grateful for the journey so far. Today, I am as happy and content as I have ever been. I went looking to find out who I am. I found out that, on the whole, I'm in pretty damn good shape. </span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" ><br /></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" >For 2 years, I have written week after week about the reason we should focus all leader development inward. Why we should push people to study themselves. Why we should constantly be trying to strip away the layers of bullshit that most of us surround our lives with. For 2 years, I have said that the Army gets it wrong every time they confuse management with leadership. And I have been right every single time. My journey is exactly the reason why I have been right. My journey cannot be taught in a schoolhouse. All of the parts of my life that have led me to this day, to this place, to the adventure of the years ahead, cannot be taught by teaching management skills to a bunch of young Sergeants or Lieutenants. But for certain, mine is a leaders journey. A journey of discovery. A journey of insight. A journey of love and care and devotion. A journey that every single person who would call themselves a leader will take at one point or another in their lives. It will not look like mine, but the journey will certainly be taken. Mine has been an authentic journey. Parts if it have been excruciatingly hard. Parts have been joyous celebration. I have offered to you who read my work a chance to walk with me and learn with me and discover and think and question with me because I think it's important. Hopefully, I have challenged you to take a look at your own lives, your own view of your leadership and your own layers of complexity. Maybe and maybe not. What I know is that I am stronger today than I have ever been. I am more clear today than I have ever been. I am more focused today than I have ever been. I am more happy today with who I am than I have ever been. I am starting to live my life with the full intention of impacting my world. That is the purpose of leadership. I started with me. In about 4 months, that will all change quite dramatically. </span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" ><br /></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" >When I started writing 2 1/2 years ago, I was defending some pretty sorrowful ground and doubling down on a bad bet. But I wasn't always wrong either. I was just stacking the facts in a particular order. When I started on my personal journey 10 months ago, I got a chance to see myself a lot more clearly than i ever had before. More honestly. More accurately. More authentically. Now the time has come to live a life of intention. To take my authentic, powerful leadership and apply it in the arena. Because that is where it can best serve the Army.</span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" ><br /></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" >As always, your thoughts and comments are welcome.</span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" ><br /></span></div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div>Fenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06348152970109407543noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-446049270059337405.post-70056038057070212452011-12-04T05:33:00.007-06:002011-12-04T12:15:12.187-06:00#148 Change<span class="Apple-style-span" >"Sometimes you have to leave the path you've laid out in order to find the one you need." </span><div><span class="Apple-style-span" ><br /></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" >This is post about change. There has been a lot of that in my life this year and all of it has been positive and challenging and incredibly impactful. There will be significantly more change next year. I will leave my present assignment and the place where I have spent the majority of my career and the last 8 years of my life and go to a different Post, with a different type of unit, and a whole new set of responsibilities. </span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" ><br /></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" >In many ways though, this is a post about two different types of change, internal and external. I think most people - myself included - seem to generally only focus on external change. New job, new location, new surroundings and circumstances and people. We don't pay nearly as much attention to internal change. External life just sort of eats away at us in little tiny imperceptible bites until one day we wake up and realize that we have become imprisoned by our own lives. Sheltered and locked away and closed off from new experiences. The intersection of internal change and external. The place where what you want to do when you realize how trapped you are runs into the reality of how trapped you think you really are. The feeling that even if you wanted to cast off in a new direction, that it is too hard to do. That there are too many things anchoring you to your present circumstances. The truly courageous know that that is not true.</span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" ><br /></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" >Earlier this year, I started my journey of internal change. For one of the few times in my adult life, I listened to my gut. A person came into my life who offered me friendship and a chance to put down some burdens and an opportunity to view my life differently. Some of that journey has played out here because I think that what I have discovered, what I have learned, what I have experienced and grown from, is valuable. It is worth sharing. That my search for, and discovery of, my own authenticity, is the same journey a lot of people are on. </span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" ><br /></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" >As I have taken my journey, I am learning to accept responsibility for my life. That I am the master of my choices. That I always retain the right and the obligation to choose and create my happiness and contentment. A happiness derived from following my instincts and listening to my heart and acting in accordance with my priorities. and it's amazing to discover how rare it is for people to do that. How rarely they listen to their heart and apply some logic, and have a faith and trust in themselves that the outcome will be just fine. God knows, that I didn't for a long long time. I am beginning to now, but sometimes I still slip and falter. I have learned that it is safe and good and right to trust my gut, but a lot of times it's still a little scary to take the first step alone. The steps to change oneself are some of the scariest ones people can take. Internal change does not come easily. </span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" ><br /></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" >And now external change is about to show up. A lot of it. A lot of the things that have become routine and grounding and anchoring parts of my life are going be thrown up in the air. And the more I think about it, the more excited I am about it. Whole systems that have become comfortable old sweaters of routine and convention are going to be replaced by new discovery, new experiences, new learning. And a chance to walk into an unknown place and look at things with new eyes. As long as I stay where I am, I limit myself entirely too much. Here is safe and comfortable and warm and good. Here makes the people I love and care about happy and warm. All of that is true. But at some point, you have to just break free and live and experience and learn and enjoy and laugh. We talk in my family about having adventures now. When we do something as a family we call it having an adventure. My daughter loves adventures. It's time for my life to become an adventure as well. To strike out and discover something new. To trust my instincts and to know that all is well. Not with some pie-in-the-sky dream of my own abilities, but rather with the confidence of knowing failure and loss and knowing that I have survived and thrived because of them. Because I have been willing to face myself and to look into the darker places in my soul. Because I have looked hard enough to know that no matter what happens, I have the strength to lead myself and my family through it.</span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" ><br /></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" >Another piece of this discussion that seems to me to be important though is that change is the constant. That's not an original thought I know, but just consider that we set about building our lives by finding a place to live. Finding a life partner. Finding a career. All binding and long term. All provide a sense of grounding and home and anchoring. A sense of self-definition. And then so many of us become trapped and bound by the very life we have built. What if instead of that, we began to think of home and family, and community not as physical spaces and locations and professions and objects, but rather as ideas and feelings and people and emotions and thoughts. What if home is where we are, regardless of where that is, simply because those people and things we love the most are there? Or because where we are most professionally happy is there? Or because the experiences we most cherish are there? What if that is where our home is? Ever thought about that? That the art of living is experiencing the world as completely as possible. Turning each day into its' own adventure. Change <i>is</i> the constant. Maybe what I need to do is embrace that idea first. Then the rest of it will become a huge adventure for my whole family. </span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" ><br /></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" >So change is coming. And the choice to embrace it or fight it belongs to me. The interesting part is that my external, fear-driven me has fought it with every fiber for the last week or so. My internal me - my instinctual me - very quickly saw the opportunities that were being offered. Change is a funny thing. A year ago, I hadn't taken the steps to learn to trust and listen to myself. Now I have. But external change is hard to do. It is hard to fight against. It is hard to uproot and move and let go of a lot of the old anchors. Seems to me though that if I have the strength, courage and determination to look at the rest of my life square in the eye and embrace that journey, then the adventure that lies ahead will be awesome!</span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" ><br /></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" >As always, your thoughts and comments are welcome.</span></div>Fenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06348152970109407543noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-446049270059337405.post-48030893700168973272011-11-27T14:26:00.007-06:002011-11-28T04:07:16.417-06:00#147 Stand Alone<span class="Apple-style-span" >"The characteristic of heroism is its persistency. All men have wandering impulses, fits and starts of generosity. But when you have chosen your part, abide by it, and do not weakly try to reconcile yourself with the world."</span><div><span class="Apple-style-span" ><br /></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" >R.W. Emerson, "Heroism"</span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" ><br /></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" >Today is a quiet, rainy and contemplative day. A good day for being alone. A good day for sitting back and taking stock of where you are, where you've been and where you hope to go. To listen very quietly to yourself and check for those signs that the universe is unfolding as it should. To listen for your own authenticity. </span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" ><br /></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" >That quote from Emerson struck me today for a simple reason. For many years I did exactly the opposite of that on a day to day level. Instead of being a persistent man, determined to figure out my own values, my own priorities, my own thoughts on a particular matter, I would, more often than not, try to <span class="Apple-style-span" >"reconcile myself to the world."</span> To wrap my thoughts or feelings or understandings into what someone else put forth. To play it safe and go along with the crowd. Not necessarily because the crowd was right or wrong about something, but sometimes just to be able to remain part of the crowd itself. There is safety in numbers and sometimes it's just plain scary to stand on your own and speak your truth in the face of any other opposing viewpoint. </span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" ><br /></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" >Which leads me to another Emerson quote from 'Self-Reliance' that I have used on these pages before:</span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" ><br /></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" >"There is a time in every man's education when he arrives at the conviction that envy is ignorance; that imitation is suicide; that he must take himself, for better, or for worse, as his portion; that though the wide universe is full of good, no kernel of nourishing corn can come to him but through his toil, bestowed on that plot of ground which is given to him to till." </span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" ><br /></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" >Taken together these two passages are powerful for me. The idea that we can only be ourselves and it is only through our own hard work that we can become the best that we are capable of, and, that in order to achieve that, we have to have spent time actually figuring out what it is we value and then not allow any force in the universe to move us from that spot, unless and until, we determine for ourselves that it is the right time to move. Figure out what matters and then stand rock-solid still and defend those values against any attack that the world may mount. </span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" ><br /></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" >This line of thinking started for me today on Facebook. I had no idea what I was going to write about until I came across the following quote from conservative columnist Ann Coulter in response to the calls across college campuses for a national day of action and it's comparison to the Students for a Democratic Society movement from the 1970's:</span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" ><br /></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" >"So at the moment anyway, I mean I don't know what's going to happen in New York today, but at the moment, I'm not really worried of a movement like SDS, which really swept a lot of college campuses, taking over. Of course, if it does, just remember the lesson from my book: it took just a few shootings at Kent State to shut that down for good."</span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" ><br /></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" >And the surrender can happen that easily. Ms. Coulter apparently isn't worried about a student movement spreading across college campuses because, after all, if it gets too bad, random violence that kills innocent people in a shocking manner has a tendency to end movements like that pretty quickly. And tonight, OWS protestors in both Los Angeles and Philadelphia face forced evictions from law enforcement. At midnight. In the dark of night. </span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" ><br /></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" >What started me thinking about all of this is how quickly and easily my eyes passed over the Coulter comment when I read it the first time. How I just kind of read it and then moved on and then suddenly stopped and had to go back and read it again. And then again. <span class="Apple-style-span" >"Did she really say that? Did she really just seem to advocate for violence in order to end peaceful protest?"</span> I'm <b>not</b> a fan of Ann Coulter by any stretch of the imagination, but what struck me was how easily her words just seemed to slide by my eyes the first time. How it took a minute to register the shock to my consciousness, that that wasn't right. Had I really become so numb that I simply couldn't be moved by the level of callous disregard that the quote implied? And then slowly I could feel a sort of angry resolve coming over me. Not firebrand angry, just kind of calmly resolute. I don't give a damn about Ann Coulter or her politics. Nor in many ways, do I give a damn about a lot of the particular platforms of the various OWS movement participants. But that quote started to bring into focus something that does matter. Where is the place where I would stand alone if necessary? Where is the place inside me that says<span class="Apple-style-span" > "I may be only one, but at least I am one."</span> Ann Coulter influences tens of thousands of people a day with her writing and public appearances. I influence a tiny fraction of that. An almost infinitesimally small fraction. But it doesn't matter. Not in the slightest. I serve as a Soldier to defend the Constitution of the United States. Not for political expediency, nor fame, nor reward. I serve to protect Ann Coulter's right to say whatever she wants and for those students to protest whatever they want and for every member or participant in the OWS movement to say whatever they want. And we happen to be living in a moment when a lot of those things that are being said are ugly and unappealing and revealing to many, and unpopular and emotional and provocative. There are a lot of different people with different agendas and different positions running around right now. Each of them advocating something different. It is up to us - each and every one of us - to determine for ourselves what it is that we stand for. Where will we stand alone? Over what and for what? And for how long? And at what cost? </span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" ><br /></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" >"...But when you have chosen your part, abide by it...."</span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" ><br /></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" >And that is what leaders must do too. We must choose a part and abide by it. We must keep clarifying and ensuring that we know where we stand and why. We have to know it, so that our subordinates can know it. In order to know it, we have to spend time thinking about it and considering it and forming our own independent ideas about it. To become our own man or woman. To not let the Anne Coulters or the Keith Olbermans of the world determine our position for us. And sometimes we have to be willing to stand alone, or to stand in the face of seemingly great odds or to just be willing to stand up at all.</span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" ><br /></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" >In last weeks post, I talked about caring, about giving a damn. Regardless of what it's about. Just care about something. And care about it passionately. This week I realized how far I had slipped sometimes into getting sucked into things without giving them any consideration at all. We live in momentous times. We are truly living in a changed world and a global community. There are protests going on the world over in support of various causes and claims. There are new ideas being brought forward for consideration each day. There are new truths being revealed every moment. The world may be moving faster than we would like it to sometimes, but that does not mean that we can simply choose to ignore it. </span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" ><br /></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" >Leadership requires a vision for ourselves and our organization. A purposeful demonstration of what matters. A choice to consider where we stand or to simply accept that which is being handed to us every day. Leadership requires that we sometimes stand alone in the face of the crowd and determine that the crowd is wrong. That the consensus viewpoint is wrong. That you alone have determined what is right and true and best for you and then being willing to stand rock-solid still in the face of the crowd, alone. Content in the warmth and protection of your well thought convictions. </span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" >Where and for what are you willing to stand alone? Answer that, and you begin a journey towards finding out who you are. Answer that and you might become a self-reliant hero.</span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" ><br /></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" >As always, your thoughts and comments are welcome.</span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" ><br /></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" ><br /></span></div><div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" ><br /></span></div></div>Fenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06348152970109407543noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-446049270059337405.post-66364944276192851062011-11-20T03:07:00.012-06:002011-11-20T16:11:44.329-06:00#146 Thinking, Deciding and Caring<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;font-size:100%;">During a lot of conversations regarding my journey and the road back, one of the more constant themes has been that people know and recognize that I care about what I am doing. I give a damn about getting it right. I have many faults and am by no means a poster boy for textbook leadership, but at the end of the day, I do the best I can, and care about what matters and try my best to accomplish the mission and treat people well. I also think very hard about the possible consequences and outcomes of my decisions. </span><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;font-size:100%;"><br /></span><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;font-size:100%;">A long time ago in one of my very early posts, I referenced a speech given by Lieutenant General Melvin Zais to the students at the National Defense University in the late 1970's. General Zais ended his speech with a pointed reminder to the officers assembled that, <span class="Apple-style-span" style="color:#000066;">"You have to care...You have to give a damn." </span></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;font-size:100%;"><br /></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;font-size:100%;">This is a post about just that - Giving a damn. Caring. Thinking and deciding and really figuring out what you care about and why. And not only about your Soldiers, but also about your service. What it means to you to serve. Who and what you serve and why. And how <i>what</i> you care about and <i>why</i> and <i>how</i> you translate that and put it into action is the essence of having a vision. A vision for yourself, your family, your squad, platoon, or company. It is also how you lead. </span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;font-size:100%;"><br /></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;font-size:100%;">This whole issue of caring and giving a damn and leading came up when I was talking to someone earlier this week about the Occupy Wall Street movement that has become part of the national discussion in major cities across our country. My friend asked me a simple question. <span class="Apple-style-span" style="color:#000066;">"What would you march for? What would drive you into the street to protest something that was happening to you, or on behalf of you?"</span> That question stuck with me all week long. What would I march for? What do I value enough to stand my ground and say yes or no to? What do I care deeply and passionately about? What would move me to action? I didn't have an answer readily available. The question itself seemed to back me up for a moment. I had never considered publicly what I stood for enough to say that I would take to the streets over issue X or Y. But maybe it's time we all asked ourselves that question. As a leader, the ability to answer and settle that question in your mind and then articulate it to those you lead is critical. Folks need to spend time thinking about this now. Rolling out to some major city to respond to a threat is not going to be the time to figure out what side of the issue you are on...</span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;font-size:100%;"><br /></span></div></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;font-size:100%;">What I can no longer be is ambivalent. Standing idly by while the world moves around me. Never stopping to ensure that I am not just getting swept up by the current. Taking the time to ensure that where I am standing is in fact the place I should be standing, not just some place I ended up when the current finally slowed down and dumped me in the shallow water. </span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;font-size:100%;"><br /></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;font-size:100%;">I have reached a place in my journey where I can stop and pause for a moment. To reflect and enjoy the successes. To look at those areas that still need work and rest a little so that I can come back at them with a more clear vision of where I want to be. To take a breather and check my authenticity against a real live moment in time and listen closely to the reply in my heart. Times like these require a still heart that is comfortable even if everything else is on shaky ground. </span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;font-size:100%;"><br /></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;font-size:100%;">What I can no longer be is apathetic. Willfully surrendering my sense of right and wrong and what I value by saying that it doesn't effect me. I don't live in New York, or Los Angeles, or D.C.. I live in Clarksville, TN. But living where I do doesn't mean that I can simply pretend that the issues in New York, or L.A., or D.C. aren't my issues as well. I have to stand up when standing up is the right thing to do. </span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;font-size:100%;"><br /></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;font-size:100%;">You cannot figure out what you stand for unless you think about it in real and concrete ways. The OWS movement provides all of us the opportunity to do that. To ask ourselves what side of the issue we line up on and why. I'm not going to debate one side or the other here, but rather to implore you to take a moment and start to figure out for yourself where you stand. Otherwise, you just might end up getting swept along by the current and end up somewhere that you do not intend. And that is the worst thing that can happen to anyone. To wake up one day and wonder how the hell you got there. Each of us has the opportunity every day to challenge the way we think, to try on new ideas, to challenge the old protocols. Why would we simply roll over and never ask the hard questions that need to be asked in order to be calm about where we stand? You cannot be lazy about your democracy. Democracy at this point has turned into a full-contact game. And it requires the full engagement of each of us. </span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;font-size:100%;"><br /></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;font-size:100%;">Because I am in the military people often have the mistaken impression that my belief system is dictated to me by the Government. That the Army's values are automatically my values. That I somehow surrendered my thinking breathing soul to Uncle Sam all those years ago and never once stopped and asked for it back. And none of that is true. Having said that, those values are generally not brought into question very often. Nine times out of ten, what a Soldier believes personally will be very close to the stated beliefs of the institution. But it's that one time that matters. That one time when there will be a gap between a value I hold true personally, and what the institution might declare publicly. And that is the time for thinking. That is the time for knowing, and that is the time to have settled an issue in your own heart. A Soldier has a greater need to learn about, understand, internalize and decide those things which he or she values above all else, more than most others do. He has to. It means thinking about what you are doing in advance. It means asking the hard questions that need to be asked. Consider the following little tidbit of history.</span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;font-size:100%;"><br /></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;font-size:100%;">From Wikipedia.....</span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;font-size:100%;"><br /></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:100%;color:#000066;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;">"<span class="Apple-style-span" style="line-height: 21px; ">The <b>Little Rock Nine</b> were a group of African-American students who were enrolled in <a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Little_Rock,_Arkansas" title="Little Rock, Arkansas" style="text-decoration: none; background-image: none; background-attachment: initial; background-origin: initial; background-clip: initial; background-color: initial; ">Little Rock</a> <a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Little_Rock_Central_High_School" title="Little Rock Central High School" style="text-decoration: none; background-image: none; background-attachment: initial; background-origin: initial; background-clip: initial; background-color: initial; ">Central High School</a> in September 1957, as a result of <a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Supreme_Court_of_the_United_States" title="Supreme Court of the United States" style="text-decoration: none; background-image: none; background-attachment: initial; background-origin: initial; background-clip: initial; background-color: initial; ">The U.S. Supreme Court's</a> ruling in the historic <i><a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Brown_v._Board_of_Education" title="Brown v. Board of Education" style="text-decoration: none; background-image: none; background-attachment: initial; background-origin: initial; background-clip: initial; background-color: initial; ">Brown v. Board of Education</a></i> case. Arkansas Governor <a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Orval_Faubus" title="Orval Faubus" style="text-decoration: none; background-image: none; background-attachment: initial; background-origin: initial; background-clip: initial; background-color: initial; ">Orval Faubus</a>, in direct opposition to the Court's ruling, activated and deployed the <a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Arkansas_Army_National_Guard" title="Arkansas Army National Guard" style="text-decoration: none; background-image: none; background-attachment: initial; background-origin: initial; background-clip: initial; background-color: initial; ">Arkansas National Guard</a> to support the segregationists on 4 September 1957. The sight of a line of soldiers blocking nine black students from attending high school immediately polarized the city. </span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="line-height: 27px; font-family:arial;">Attorneys from the <a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/United_States_Department_of_Justice" title="United States Department of Justice" style="text-decoration: none; background-image: none; background-attachment: initial; background-origin: initial; background-clip: initial; background-color: initial; ">U.S. Justice Department</a> requested an injunction against the governor's deployment of the National Guard from the <a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/United_States_District_Court_for_the_Eastern_District_of_Arkansas" title="United States District Court for the Eastern District of Arkansas" style="text-decoration: none; background-image: none; background-attachment: initial; background-origin: initial; background-clip: initial; background-color: initial; ">U.S. District Court for the Eastern District of Arkansas</a> in Little Rock. Judge <a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ronald_Davies_(judge)" title="Ronald Davies (judge)" style="text-decoration: none; background-image: none; background-attachment: initial; background-origin: initial; background-clip: initial; background-color: initial; ">Ronald Davies</a> granted the injunction and ordered the governor to withdraw the National Guard on 20 September.<sup id="cite_ref-Case3113_17-0" class="reference" style="line-height: 1em; font-weight: normal; font-style: normal; "><a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/101st_Airborne_Division#cite_note-Case3113-17" style="text-decoration: none; background-image: none; background-attachment: initial; background-origin: initial; background-clip: initial; background-color: initial; white-space: nowrap; "><span style="text-decoration: none; background-image: none; background-attachment: initial; background-origin: initial; background-clip: initial; background- white-space: nowrap; ">[</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="text-decoration: none; background-image: none; background-attachment: initial; background-origin: initial; background-clip: initial; background- white-space: nowrap; ">15</span></a></sup></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="line-height: 27px; font-family:arial;">As a result, elements of the division's 1st Airborne Battle Group, 327th Infantry (bearing the lineage of the old Company A, 327th Glider Infantry Regiment) were ordered to Little Rock by President Eisenhower to enforce the court injunction during the crisis. The division was deployed from September until Thanksgiving 1957, when <a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/153rd_Infantry_Regiment" title="153rd Infantry Regiment" class="mw-redirect" style="text-decoration: none; background-image: none; background-attachment: initial; background-origin: initial; background-clip: initial; background-color: initial; ">Task Force 153rd Infantry</a>, (federalized<a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Arkansas_Army_National_Guard" title="Arkansas Army National Guard" style="text-decoration: none; background-image: none; background-attachment: initial; background-origin: initial; background-clip: initial; background-color: initial; ">Arkansas National Guard</a>) which had also been on duty at the school since 24 September, assumed responsibility."</span></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="line-height: 27px; font-family:arial;font-size:100%;" ><br /></span></div><span class="Apple-style-span" style=" line-height: 27px; font-family:arial;font-size:100%;" >If it's 1957 and you haven't figured out where you stand on racial integration, this is no small matter. In fact, this is huge. This is the government of the United States taking on a State in order to enforce and uphold the rule of law. But if I am a bigot or racist or don't really understand the supremacy of the Constitution in America, then this is going to be a difficult time for me. </span><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style=" line-height: 27px; font-family:arial;font-size:100%;" ><br /></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style=" line-height: 27px; font-family:arial;font-size:100%;" >As a Soldier I have to be a thinking man. I have to have truly given consideration to the oath of enlistment I took that says <span class="Apple-style-span" style="color:#000066;">"To support and defend the Constitution of The United States against all enemies, foreign and domestic...."</span> </span><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style=" line-height: 27px; font-family:arial;font-size:100%;" ><br /></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style=" line-height: 27px; font-family:arial;font-size:100%;" >General Zais was talking about caring for your Soldiers when he gave his speech a long time ago. I'm talking about caring as well. Caring for your country and it's Constitution enough to figure out where you stand and then to have the courage to take one. You have to care. You have to give a damn. </span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style=" line-height: 27px; font-family:arial;font-size:100%;" ><br /></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style=" line-height: 27px; font-family:arial;font-size:100%;" >As always, your thoughts and comments are welcome...</span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;font-size:100%;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="line-height: 27px;"><br /></span></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;font-size:100%;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="line-height: 27px;"><br /></span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="line-height: 21px; "><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;font-size:100%;"><p style="margin-top: 0.4em; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 0.5em; margin-left: 0px; line-height: 1.5em; "><br /></p></span></span><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;font-size:100%;"><br /></span></div></div></div>Fenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06348152970109407543noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-446049270059337405.post-44345823011592122702011-11-13T11:05:00.010-06:002011-11-13T16:47:01.534-06:00#145 The Core and the Chili Champion<span class="Apple-style-span" ><span class="Apple-style-span" >"There is no passion to be found in settling for a life that is less than the one you are capable of living."</span> ~ Nelson Mandela</span><div><span class="Apple-style-span" ><br /></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" >Whatever you think of my journey toward self-awareness, whether you think it has any real merit or not, it has always been circling around looking for something. Stumbling a little in the dark a lot of the time, but searching for something nonetheless. Something I could never quite put my finger on. Something I could feel much more than actually see. What it was, I wasn't really sure, but each week another little piece of the puzzle would show up, or another question would pop up, and I would catch another glimpse. Was it leadership and followership? Was it self-awareness and self-deceit? Was it OODA loops, Black Hearts, Kill Squad, or Toxic Leadership? Forgiveness and redemption? What was it each week that was flirting with me? Teasing me? Taunting me sometimes? Every post became a new variation on the same theme: </span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" ><br /></span><div><span class="Apple-style-span" >That you have to know who you are really are and be able to lead yourself before you can successfully lead others. You have to find the truth of yourself, and have the courage to live it without false pretense, or self-aggrandizement, every day. You have to live your life intentionally and with your full power and strength. You have to accept responsibility for yourself and your actions. You have to honor yourself and demand of yourself that you live in the fullest expression of your truth every single moment. And to do that honestly and fully, you a have to search for yourself. You have to find your core. </span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" ><br /></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" >Two and a half years ago, I started writing this blog. Nine months ago it went in a whole new direction. Sixty-five hours ago, the game changed permanently and some important parts of the core became evident to me. Every day, every step, every moment leading to this time. Perseverance sits at my core</span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" ><br /></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" >I have been trying to rediscover and uncover the core of me. That's what this journey is about. Me as a man. Me as a husband and father. Me as a Soldier. Me as a leader. A me that was hidden away, cloaked in false modesty. Covered up by fear and doubt. Not believing that I could show the full power of my intention every day. Accepting being a loyal Two because it was safe and secure. Being afraid to risk. Being afraid to speak my truth honestly and sincerely. Being afraid to step fully into my vision. Maybe all of that has been painfully obvious to you, but for a long while it wasn't really all that clear to me. You can believe your own bullshit and hold onto your old patterns for a long long time.</span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" ><br /></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" >A lot has changed along the way....</span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" ><br /></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" >There is a portion of the Ranger Creed that says: <span class="Apple-style-span" >"....I accept the fact that my Country expects me to move further, faster, and fight harder than any other Soldier."</span> Change the context a little and it is certainly true of my journey....I have moved further than I thought I would (or even knew I would have to). I have moved faster than most once I gained enough clarity to see where I needed to be. I have fought harder for my soul, my independence, my freedom and to take possession of myself than many will ever understand. I have a mental toughness and tenacity that serves me well. They are core things. </span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" ><br /></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" >Dear Ranger Creed guy - I went to your school a long time ago and I earned your piece of cloth. Over the last 9 months, on a whole different battlefield, what those words really mean has come home to live in me. Trust me, brother, I have lived up to the tenants of your Creed quite well. </span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" ><br /></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" >I saw a poster the other day that said<span class="Apple-style-span" > "It's supposed to be hard. If it wasn't hard, everyone would do it. The hard is what makes it great."</span> It comes from the movie "A League of Their Own". The challenge is to never stop looking for the truth. To continue to strip away and find those core beliefs that truly speak your truth authentically. And it is hard work. Hard work worth doing. If people are going to place their trust, their respect, their lives in your hands, you'd better have spent hours doing the hard work to ensure that they are well-served by your leadership. I didn't do that once. I will not make the same mistake twice. That willingness to take a hard, honest look sits at my core. </span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" ><br /></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" >Saw another poster that said: <span class="Apple-style-span" >"Never regret anything because at one time it was exactly what you needed."</span> Yup. Crucible moments matter. What you do in them says a ton about who you are. If it took Black Hearts to get me to this place, then I am grateful and thankful to that time and that place as painful as it was. In the end, it led me down this road and this is the road that I needed to walk down. I have not done it alone, but the journey has certainly been mine. The journey has had it's crucible moments as well and arguably they are more important than Black Hearts could ever be. The willingness to take a leap is at my core. The willingness to keep pushing until I find the answers I need. </span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" ><br /></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" >Another poster said: "You gotta stop wearing your wishbone where your backbone oughta be." You cannot be a spectator in your own life. There is a time to stand up and state plainly what you want and what you need and what you desire. State it without fear, without worry, without guilt, and without shame. Sometimes the Universe just lets you know when it's time to move. </span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" ><br /></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" >Two and a half years of writing and three years before that of drifting and losing my way....Nine months of some of the hardest work, the most challenging work, the most rewarding work anyone could ever do. All to find the core. It's time to move. It is time to no longer settle and to start living the life I am capable of. It's time to live with passion again. Sixty-Five hours ago, I became a former smoker after 27 years. Last Thursday afternoon I was voted the chili cook-off champion at work. There is a lot more of my journey wrapped up in the chili than there is in the quitting smoking folks. That part was easy. That strength is at my core. I had to take the journey to get to the chili....And every moment so far has been completely worth it. </span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" ><br /></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" >As always, your thoughts and comments are welcome.</span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" > </span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" ><br /></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" ><br /></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" ><br /></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" ><br /></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" ><br /></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" ><br /></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" ><br /></span></div><div><br /></div></div>Fenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06348152970109407543noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-446049270059337405.post-39173793630065491822011-11-06T11:38:00.000-06:002011-11-06T22:01:09.842-06:00#144 Love and Leadership<span class="Apple-style-span"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: inherit;"><span class="Apple-style-span">There are two different but related things nudging at my brain this week, and I need to get them out on the page and kick them around a little bit. I really don't know where they will lead me, but like most weeks I always end up where my brain and my heart need to be, so I'm just going to write and see what happens.... </span><br /><br /><span class="Apple-style-span">The first is part of a response from a colleague of mine on an Army forum called Leader Net. RS introduced me to Leader Net and was influential in getting me a place there for my work. In his reply to a question entitled, "Who's Example do You Follow?" he wrote:</span><br /><span class="Apple-style-span"><br /></span><span class="Apple-style-span"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #20124d;">"<span class="Apple-style-span" style="background-color: white; line-height: 17px;">I no longer consider leadership the mere ability to influence a group of people to "accomplish the mission" because the mission may not always lead the people in a constructive direction. Such an approach to leadership is little more than Machiavellian manipulation that may succeed in a temporary mechanical efficiency but ultimately sows discontent and anger once the true motive is revealed."</span></span><br /><span class="Apple-style-span"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="background-color: white; line-height: 17px;"><br /></span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #20124d;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="background-color: white; line-height: 17px;">" T</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="background-color: white; line-height: 17px;">here comes a point when a leader's job is greater than simply keeping our 'eye on the prize,' showing empathy/sympathy, or being the example the organization expects us to be. There comes a point in time when a leader must be willing to stand and say no."</span></span><br /><span class="Apple-style-span"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="background-color: white; line-height: 17px;"><br /></span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #20124d;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="background-color: white; line-height: 17px;">"</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="background-color: white; line-height: 17px;">Leadership must stand on behalf of those it leads. It must not merely acknowledge truth, it must speak it to power. It must inspire people from within for the betterment of themselves and others. True inspirational leadership articulates a higher vision, evokes a deeper meaning, and demands the absolute best from both the led and the power it challenges."</span></span></span><br /><span class="Apple-style-span" style="background-color: white; line-height: 17px;"><br /></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="background-color: white; line-height: 17px;">The second is from the <u>Servant Leadership Blog</u> and is an adaptation of a presentation given by Will Keepin in 2009. The post is called the "Principles of Spiritual Leadership" and the second principle is the following:</span><br /><span class="Apple-style-span" style="background-color: white; line-height: 17px;"><br /></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #20124d;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="background-color: white; line-height: 17px;">"</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="background-color: white; line-height: 23px;"><span style="font-weight: bold; line-height: 23px;">Non-attachment to outcome.</span> To the extent that we are attached to the results of our work, we rise and fall with our success and failures, which is a path to burnout. Failures are inevitable, and successes are not the deepest purpose of our work."</span></span><br /><span class="Apple-style-span" style="background-color: white; line-height: 23px;"><br /></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="background-color: white; line-height: 23px;">What struck me about both of these inputs is that they require something even more fundamental on our part in order for both to be true. They require a full, deep, complete, and comfortable understanding of ourselves. The require an acceptance and recognition of who we are. They require a detachment from the bonds of simple labeling and expectation. They require us to live fully and completely and faithfully to who <i>we</i> are. They require us to accept ourselves honestly - speak our power and goodness with the same ease and recognition of the truth as we accept our failings and weaknesses. They require the most truthful and authentic parts of us be known to us. </span><br /><span class="Apple-style-span" style="background-color: white; line-height: 23px;"><br /></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="line-height: 23px;">Leadership cannot be tied only to a measurable metric. That is not leadership, it is management. It is a model of efficiency and production. It merely requires a person who can figure out the need and then produce the most effective way to fill it. You are not leading if that is your purpose. To simply build a better mousetrap. That definition is much too limited and leadership is something much more than mission accomplishment by providing purpose and direction and vision for the organization. </span><br /><span class="Apple-style-span" style="line-height: 23px;"><br /></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="line-height: 23px;">Leadership is something more than the way you treat people. It is more than the ability to be kind or understanding or fair or just or nice. Those things will make for a happy and content workplace most of the time, but they are only methods, a way, of expressing yourself. They are not, in and of themselves, leadership. Empathy and sympathy are powerful and effective tools that all leaders possess, but their exercise is not leadership. Their exercise, in most cases, is behavior manipulation.</span><br /><span class="Apple-style-span" style="line-height: 23px;"><br /></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="line-height: 23px;">Leadership is more than the ability to say no. There are a million people running around who are saying no to a lot of things right now. A very tiny portion of them are leaders. Most are simply arguing for their way of thinking. Defending or protecting themselves against change and perceived threats to their way of life and thinking. </span><br /><span class="Apple-style-span" style="line-height: 23px;"><br /></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="line-height: 23px;">As my journey has progressed and I have uncovered and looked at myself I have found that almost every definition of leadership I can find falls somehow short of the mark. Is in ways large or small, incomplete for me. And I started to wonder why. And slowly, sometimes painfully slowly, it has occurred to me that leadership is being yourself so much that who you are totally disassociated from the outcomes, or the consequences, or the judgments, or the comparisons and stand fully and totally and completely in who you are. It is a faith that you can discover and live authentically at all times. It is a letting go of worry and fear, and a thoughtful consideration of why you act, feel, behave and see the world the way you do. It is deciding for yourself what is right and wrong, good and bad, comfortable and uncomfortable for you. It is an acceptance of yourself that is free of anyone else's judgment. It is the strength to stand alone and the strength to empower others to do the same. It is trusting your soul completely. And then living in accordance with it.</span><br /><span class="Apple-style-span" style="line-height: 23px;"><br /></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="line-height: 23px;">I have been also been thinking about love a lot lately. Love is an abstraction that is personal to each of us. It cannot be defined and must be taken on faith. We each see it and feel it in our own unique way. You cannot say to someone, <span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #20124d;">"I love you."</span> and have them feel it in precisely the way you feel it. It is ethereal and present everywhere at the same time. It is the ability to transcend behavior and emotion and day-to-day and see something more. It is not the words or the actions, it is the depth and measure of you that fills them. When you tell someone you love them you are choosing to give yourself completely and openly to them. It is beyond definition and beyond decision and beyond reason and words. Love is the power of being, and force of being, completely you. Love is not attached to the outcome or the payback or the comparative return. It is not open to judgment.</span><br /><span class="Apple-style-span" style="line-height: 23px;"><br /></span><br /><span class="Apple-style-span" style="line-height: 23px;">Love and leadership seem much the same to me right now. Both are bigger than the small words used to describe them. Both defy quantification or comparison and complete definition. Both are as unique as the person who is loving or leading. Both evoke feelings of empowerment in others and the fullest expression of us in ourselves. Both can never be tied to measurable outcomes. To be successful, both must be given with every ounce of us that we have. They both demand living and giving completely, with all of our energy, passion and force. You cannot define leadership simply by the metric of numeric success or efficiency. Nor can you define love by some barter system of give and take. You cannot define yourself or your leadership by success or failure anymore than you can define your love by good days and bad days. True love and true leadership both generate from the most authentic sense we have of ourselves. The purity and fearlessness and force of who we are. The complete awareness that to lead purely and to love purely we must know and follow our heart, our instinct, our most pure selves. To lead completely I have to open myself up completely to my authentic self and then give all of that, every ounce of my authenticity, someone else. Funny thing is, we have to do the same to those we love.....</span><br /><span class="Apple-style-span" style="line-height: 23px;"><br /></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="line-height: 23px;">People have commented to me that at some point the blog moved away from leadership and moved down another path to self-awareness. That once I stopped talking about the Army leader development model or complaining about this or that part of the Army, that it ceased to be a leadership blog and started to become an online diary of sorts. Those people are wrong. My journey has always been about leadership. Those who sell it short or do not understand it are getting caught up in the management model we sell. My journey of self-discovery is a journey of love for me and for those who love me, but it is also an important journey in leadership as well. I cannot lead and love others if I cannot lead and love myself. The journey is leadership. By searching for and discovering and loving my authentic self, I am able to step fully into leading as well. </span><br /><span class="Apple-style-span" style="line-height: 23px;"><br /></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="line-height: 23px;">It is often said that to lead them you must love them. And that is true. You must lead them with the same intensity, the same passion, the same completeness - with every ounce of the power of love that you have. In order to lead big, you must love big. Keep searching for love and you will inevitably find how to lead.</span><br /><span class="Apple-style-span" style="line-height: 23px;"><span class="Apple-style-span"><br /></span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="line-height: 23px;"><span class="Apple-style-span">As always, your thoughts and comments are welcome.</span></span><br /><span class="Apple-style-span" style="line-height: 23px;"><span class="Apple-style-span"><br /></span></span></span><br /><span class="Apple-style-span" style="line-height: 23px;"><span class="Apple-style-span"><br /></span></span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="background-color: white; line-height: 23px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span></span>Fenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06348152970109407543noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-446049270059337405.post-83103555327542602812011-10-30T13:23:00.001-05:002011-10-30T13:24:41.271-05:00#143 Priorities, Values and Leadership<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">I learned a powerful lesson yesterday in priorities and values. And in leadership. In investing in something and sharing something and caring for and protecting something that is important to me.</span><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Like many people right now, money is tight in my family. This is a not new for us, we just ran into a tight spot this month and things are down to the wire. The lights will stay on, and the house will have heat, and there will be food on the table, but there will be precious little extra until payday rolls around. No different than millions of other people, even in the best of economic times. And, quite honestly, better off than many others who will slip through the cracks and fall just a little more behind this month until they cannot keep their heads above water any longer. </span><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">However, there were 3 different things that all took place in one day that had a large impact on me and form the basis of this post. First, my original reaction to how close things would get was one of anger, frustration, and hurt pride. I have been in the Army for 21 years, I have rank and position and a stature in the organization. I have responsibilities and obligations. Things that need get done and people who rely on me. My Army stature is part of my identity. A large part. And yet, I find myself now in a position that I see many Soldiers in. The wallet is a little light at the end of the month and there will have to be some juggling that goes on. The dollar amounts are larger, but the margins are still the same. Slim and none. I had been equalized and my pride didn't like it. How could this happen? How could I run two Division level programs and yet not be able to ensure the security of my family any past the next paycheck? Tough sort of spot to be in. Sort of a 'role of man' place to be. The idea of provider and caretaker. Something I do for my Soldiers every day. How then could I have not done it in my own life?</span><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">A friend of mine though asked me two simple questions that unraveled a lot of that. "What do I value?", and "What is enough?" In 7 words, she made me consider my position and look at my priorities. She turned the feeling of worry and inadequacy into one of power and strength in about 3 minutes by pointing out some compelling competing truths that I didn't want to see. My home is safe and secure. My daughter will eat a healthy meal and have clean, warm, dry clothes and a soft bed to sleep in tonight and play in a youth soccer league. We will not wonder where our next meal is coming from or where we will sleep tonight. In fact, beyond merely making it, we are actually a thriving and healthy family. We might not be financially secure, but we will have done the very best could this month, and will certainly make it until the next paycheck comes in. </span><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Which drove home the question about figuring out what I value. Do I value amassing a ton of money and keeping up with the neighbors to see who can have the newest car or who is putting a pool in their yard, or rebuilding their deck? Or do I care about raising my daughter in a healthy and complete, and safe home? A home that protects and nurtures her? A home where she knows that she is loved and cared for? Sometimes choices have to be made. Right now, the choice has to be that my daughter is raised in a healthy and happy home. If there is budgeting to be done, then it will have to tilt in that favor. </span><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">The second event stems from the first. The realization that I was looking at my situation from one point of view and there was an equally powerful one available to me that I originally could not see, nor give any credence to. It was a powerful demonstration of how my emotions affect my behaviors and my views. It showed me in a real way that I have to learn to stop, recognize where my filters and point of view are affecting the outcome of something, and then actively look for another way to view the situation. In essence, the see a problem as either a problem, or an opportunity to check in with myself and reaffirm my values and priorities against my reality. I wasn't leading my family through a tough spot, I was allowing the tough spot to dictate how I would feel and then react. I wasn't separating myself from the emotion enough to see alternative solutions. </span><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">The final piece of this puzzle fell into play last night as my wife and I were putting our 4 year old to bed. Every night, part of our routine is to state what we are thankful for that day. We call it the Gratitudes. We all take a turn and it reminds us to be grateful and to keep looking on the bright side of things. Last night, my daughter told my wife and I that she was grateful to live in a house of love. She's 4! But the force of her words nearly buckled my knees. Everything else aside, a little girl, tired at the end of an adventuresome day, managed to help me keep my priorities straight and concentrate on what really matters. She told me all I needed to know. Broke or not, we have built what we needed to build. A family where a little girl feels loved and safe and happy and secure. </span><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">What does my little story have to do with leadership? A lot I think. It has to do with self-awareness, a recognition of the power of attitude, a constant evaluation of priorities and the values you lead by, and the impact expectations and roles can have on your thought process. Yesterday reminded me that my personal pride, and some vision of where I think I should be at this point in my life, was affecting my ability to actually lead my family out of our current financial location. My attitude, my hurt feelings and my sense of failed obligation were only going to continue a cycle of tension that would never actually confront and face the reality of my situation. I was contributing to it instead of seeing it honestly. I never considered for a second that what was really important would be brought to me by a 4 year old. I may be broke for the moment, but my daughter and wife are living in a house that is built solidly with its priorities in order. The rest, while important and needing to be addressed, are not critical. My family having a solid foundation of love and joy and well-being is.</span><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">It also reminded me that one's Values have to be constantly considered. What are they? Why do you hold them? What standard are you using to judge them good or bad? How do you make your choices and decisions about what's important to you and why? How do you set those priorities in motion in your organization - be it your family or your platoon? Most importantly, are they being done actively or passively - are they your choices, or are you simply accepting those of others by default? We live in a world where many many men define themselves and their personal worth by their profession and their paycheck. So much of their identity is comprised of what they do and their net worth. And that was the starting point for me yesterday. A passive acceptance of what the world says is important, not an active evaluation of whether that is the right answer for me and my family. I discovered that I had my priorities wrong and they weren't in line with my values. 7 words helped me see that. </span><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">You lead yourself first. You lead yourself by gaining self-awareness, figuring out what you value and why, and then aligning your priorities to support your Values. In the course of one day, I learned a lot about each of those things. I learned to see how little attention I was paying to the impact someone else's idea of what or where I should be at this point in my life. How I was passively following instead of actively checking. I spent some time affirming my values and those of my family. Making sure that we all understood clearly what really matters to us. What this family will ground itself in. What will define us as a group. Now my wife and I can get our priorities straightened out and begin to work collectively on supporting our values and our vision. All of which equals leadership, no matter how you cut it. And the only benchmark for success that matters is that a little girl grows up in a house where she feels loved and safe and secure. Because that is what I truly value. Now to get my priorities in order.</span><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">As always your thoughts and comments are welcome.</span>Fenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06348152970109407543noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-446049270059337405.post-89052107651697035032011-10-23T06:06:00.017-05:002011-10-25T09:49:06.902-05:00#142 Coaches, Mentors, Friends and Choices<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">I am a fortunate man. I have the very good fortune of having people in my life who truly care <i>for</i> me and <i>about</i> me. People who love me enough to tell me the unvarnished truth. Even when that truth is not pretty. People who love me enough to let me find it out for myself, to come to it on my own, no matter how long, and how many missteps it takes to get there. People who invest themselves, their love, their powerful talents, and their time to walk parts of my journey with me. Some I interact with every day, other are less visible, but no less present. They are blessings. They are treasured gifts. Friendships like these are what excite me and make me get out of bed in the morning. They are the reason that I wake up and rush to get my coffee and wake my brain and start to think. </span><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">I have few friends and generally don't do surface relationships, so the friendships I have tend to take on a lot of significance for me. Some people need to be surrounded by a lot of folks all the time and people slide in and out of their lives easily. I would rather be surrounded by a few folks for a long time and cultivate whole conversations that never seem to end and pick up right where they left off the time before. Sitting around a fire bowl with one or two others and having a serious conversation. To hear the ideas, explanations, thoughts, opinions of people I trust and respect. And strangely enough, in this technological world of instant communication, the two people most on my mind as I write this, are folks who I either have never physically met, or have spent a very limited amount of time with a long time ago. And yet, with either one of them, I can pose a question and tell my truth and it is received as openly and honestly and is as carefully considered as if they were sitting in the room with me late into the evening. Funny how the world works these days...</span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">This post generates from that place. The intersection of friendship, coaching and mentorship. Where does one end and another begin? Are they all present in one form or another all the time? Why do we all need them at one point or another in our lives? <i>Do</i> we all need them? </span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">All of this is prompted by an article I received yesterday from a colleague that caught my eye. He sent it to me to solicit my thoughts on professional development and mentoring and coaching for Army leaders. You can find the link here:</span></div>
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<a href="http://www.newyorker.com/reporting/2011/10/03/111003fa_fact_gawande?currentPage=all"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">http://www.newyorker.com/reporting/2011/10/03/111003fa_fact_gawande?currentPage=all</span></a></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Essentially, it poses the question why professional athletes, musicians, singers, actors etc have coaches, but teachers, doctors and others responsible for some critical areas of our lives do not? Coaching professional athletes is a lucrative business for what essentially equals about a 10 year career in the life of the athlete. The education of our children is infinitely more important than that and yet we just leave it to the teacher in the classroom to figure out how to reach each child by themselves. Why not have coaches and mentors for them as well? And why does the Army leave coaching and mentoring to whoever is senior in rank or position to the person being coached. Why are the lines drawn as straight as they are? I am senior to you by time in service or by title, so therefore I automatically become a mentor or a coach? Why? What makes my ideas, thoughts or opinions any more important than yours? My best friend is 3 years younger than I am and has never served a day in uniform, but has arguably changed the course of my life. My most powerful professional mentor right now is only a few years older than I am but has an understanding of the profession far greater than I do. I get coached daily by my daughter on how to be a better Father. The main influences in my life come from all over the place.</span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">The other day, I was having a conversation with someone who told me that my writing about leadership would always be suspect until I got back into the game. Sitting on the sidelines and throwing my ideas out there doesn't get it. Especially in the Army. In a culture where the expectation is that the more senior you are, the better you get. The expectation that leaders can do anything and everything that their subordinates can do. That you lead from the front and inspire people to accomplish the mission at hand. And he is right. There is no good reason that anyone should take anything I put out here as gospel truth until I put myself back into the arena and try it on for size. Take all these ideas and put them into practice. See which ones pan out and which ones don't. He challenged me as a mentor. He also challenged me as a friend. He knows the cost associated. He understands the demands. He knows what I am doing in my family. He knows I have the talent, skill and ethic to do the job well. That is without question. But while I have focused most of my writing and ideas at the upper end of the Army spectrum, the senior NCO and officer side of the equation, his contention is that it has to be taken down to the pointy end of the stick. To the 22 year old Corporal with 2 combat tours under his belt and the absolutely well-earned arrogance of someone who has faced huge challenges early in life and now believes very strongly that the way he sees his world is exactly the way it is. To stand in front of that young man with an equal assurance that I can lead him, motivate him, educate him and develop him. That I can take him to combat and bring him home alive. To do that takes passion, and a commitment to the long haul.</span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">And deciding whether or not I want to do that is the turning point for me. It is the fork in the road. If I go down one path, I can have a successful career and retire with a decent pension and find my post Army career and provide for my family well. The only sticking point is that I will not have gone back into the leadership arena since I left it 5 years ago. If I go down the other path, I will have all those same things at the end but will be presented with another choice as well. To see whether or not what I believe leadership is all about is true. To see whether or not the journey I have taken really does make me a better leader than I was in 2006. I will have to confront and face the fundamental question that I have been avoiding for a little while now. Can I lead troops in combat again? Do I want to? Because that is what it comes down to. Is the pull of proving to myself that I can lead stronger than the pull to provide what other parts of my life need right now. Tough choice. A choice I can feel coming and will have to be made soon. A fundamental choice. One that, once made, will impact a lot of other things in my life.</span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Honestly, I go back and forth on it. As I sit here now and write this, I want back in the game. I am feeling the pull to go do what my whole career tells me I should do. To go back and settle the question. Yesterday though, I told another friend that what I do best, where my true talent lies is with planning and thinking and operations. I might just serve the Army best not by being at the pointy end of the stick, but by making sure that the plan, the resources and the situation are as right as they can be for the executor to go do their work. </span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">And this is where the intersection of coaching, mentoring and friendship come together in the most meaningful ways. One friend challenges me professionally, fully understanding the nuances and requirements of the profession. Another challenges me to learn and grow personally within the totality of both my personal and professional life. Both are brutally honest and will disabuse any pretense on my part pretty damn quickly. Both are committed to, and care about me. I can turn to either of them and solicit their ideas, their thoughts, their opinions. And with the ultimate respect that the decision is mine, they offer those things as plainly as they can. And that is the essence of the coaching / mentoring piece. To help clarify the choices. To remove the confusions and help clarify the situation. To help weigh the pro's and cons. Not to decide, but to challenge the assumptions. </span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span">No matter how talented or professional or secure we might think we are, w</span><span class="Apple-style-span">e all need mentors. We all need coaches. We all need friends. When all of those are brought together in the same person, you might well consider yourself as blessed as you can be. I am extremely grateful to have two such people in my life. Go find yours and cultivate the friendship. You will be a better leader because of it. </span></span></span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">As always, your thoughts and comments are welcome.</span></div>
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</div>Fenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06348152970109407543noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-446049270059337405.post-39084062812023187352011-10-15T20:13:00.011-05:002011-10-16T10:07:18.858-05:00#141 Three P's<span style="color: rgb(0, 0, 102);font-size:100%;" ><span style="font-family:arial;">"Life isn't about waiting for the storms to pass, it's about learning to dance in the rain."</span></span><div style=" color: rgb(0, 0, 0);font-family:arial;"><span style="font-size:100%;"><br />If you follow my writing at all, you know that awhile back the work took a decidedly different turn and started to focus inward, on me. A look at myself, my life, my history, and how all of that has come together and helped form me into the type of leader I am today. Prior to that I spent most of the time here either trying to justify/explain my actions during the Black Hearts period, or ranting about the gap between what senior Army leaders were saying, and life down at the lowest rung on the ladder. </span></div><div style="font-family: arial; color: rgb(0, 0, 0);"><span style="font-size:100%;"><br /></span></div><div style="font-family: arial; color: rgb(0, 0, 0);"><span style="font-size:100%;">Then someone came along and told me that my writing lacked my soul. She told me that the writing was good, but that it was missing me. Together, we went looking. Very slowly. Very carefully. With deliberateness. We have looked at every part of my life and slowly unlocked a lot of doors that have freed me to live a much more productive and powerful and purposeful life. I have learned to laccept responsibility for, and be accountable for my whole life. There are no accidents and things do just happen to me anymore. There is always a choice to be made. A choice to respond, or not. A choice to engage or not. A choice to live with passion and purpose - to follow my heart, or to lay back and let others dictate the terms of the engagement. A choice to work through the darker places and honestly look at myself, or hide away in the false protections of self-deception. I am no longer a victim of circumstance. I am responsible for me. I have taken possession of me. I have found my soul. </span></div><div style="font-family: arial; color: rgb(0, 0, 0);"><span style="font-size:100%;"><br /></span></div><div style="font-family: arial; color: rgb(0, 0, 0);"><span style="font-size:100%;">Along the way I had to confront some things, and in those confrontations I have found some qualities that surprised me a little. I can and will persevere. I have and can display my passions. I am learning to keep my perspective. These are powerful life defining qualities and I am glad to make their acquaintance. I am glad to finally recognize them in myself. They have changed my perspective on a lot of things and where I was, and where I am, are all brought together in the quote at the top of the page.</span></div><div style="font-family: arial; color: rgb(0, 0, 0);"><span style="font-size:100%;"><br /></span></div><div style="font-family: arial; color: rgb(0, 0, 0);"><span style="font-size:100%;">I used to spend all of my time worrying about the next storm. Slowly robbing myself of the happiness of today simply by overlooking it and concentrating all of my energy on the potential storm of tomorrow. And, importantly, some of that thought process comes from my Army experience. The Army plans in great detail. It develops multiple courses of action. It tries to predict the outcome and control the inputs. It makes people think 3 deep. It trains cause and effect. And after 21 years of being in the environment I have developed a deeply ingrained sense of how to think beyond the immediate, and to continually look for the next storm. What will I do if X? How will I react to Y? What happens if Z occurs? All of this training and developing almost naturally leads one to be forever looking over the horizon and anticipating the next impending storm. On a personal level, it stopped me from being able to live in the moment and enjoy that moment for all of it's own unique glory. I was always asking myself, "What next?" And often times being afraid of the answer.<br /></span></div><div style="font-family: arial; color: rgb(0, 0, 0);"><span style="font-size:100%;"><br /></span></div><div style="font-family: arial; color: rgb(0, 0, 0);"><span style="font-size:100%;">When the Army started talking about focusing on developing adaptive leaders, there was a ton of pressure from within to stop that. Adaptive meant creative. Adaptive meant exercising personal judgment. Adaptive meant making the best decision you possibly could and then living with the outcome of it. It meant being able to see a moment clearly and then make choices and decisions accordingly. It implicitly accepted that something that is a good choice in this moment, might not be in the next. And we figured out that living and seeing and appreciating that moment is critically important when you are in the fight. It means sensing and knowing when a situation is at a tipping point. It means trusting yourself and your judgement. Personally, it means learning to listen carefully to my heart and letting it dictate the course of my life. In a sense, it's a letting go because I already know that I cannot always control the outcome, but that I can accept it and work with it when it arrives. It also means not always asking for permission or acceptance. Adaptability in the Army sense is developing the ability to dance in the rain. Dancing in the rain for me means not fearing the next storm, but enjoying the feel of the rain on my face. <br /></span></div><div style="font-family: arial; color: rgb(0, 0, 0);"><span style="font-size:100%;"><br /></span></div><div style="font-family: arial; color: rgb(0, 0, 0);"><span style="font-size:100%;">To get to dance though, you have to be able to persevere. You have to be able to see the bigger picture. You have to understand that there will be storms and that no plan survives first contact. And there is a huge difference between perseverance and endurance. I have persevered through many painful days along this journey in order to get to this point. I have endured some incredibly hard and some incredibly painful moments, but I have persevered. Endurance seems short term to me. Perseverance seems more permanent. Someone endures a tragedy. They are characterized by their endurance. From my perspective, perseverance has meant taking very honest and sometimes incredibly unflattering looks at who and what I am, but holding onto the essential goodness of me. From the Army's it might mean enduring the loss of a battle and holding onto the value of the fight. There have been times along the way where I could not see what needed to. I could feel it, or sense it, but could not understand it. I only knew how to persevere. That sense that I had to keep pushing, no matter how painful, and that one day the understanding would come. Being able to persevere has been an important strength in my journey. It also that for an Army at war.<br /><br />The journey has brought me something else as well. Something critically important to my well-being and that of my family. It has brought me back my passion. It has removed my fears. It has filled me with a trusting hope that what I do matters, and that it's sometimes important that only I do it. There are some parts of living and leading that just cannot be delegated to anyone else. They belong with you. They are yours alone and you must stand in the breach and make the best choice you can. Acting in full volition and with a full sense of responsibility for the outcome. It has taken me a long time to get to this place. It is a powerful lesson in leadership. Without a passionate belief in who <span style="font-style: italic; font-weight: bold;">you</span> are and what <span style="font-style: italic; font-weight: bold;">you</span> value, you cannot lead yourself or anyone else. Who <span style="font-style: italic; font-weight: bold;">you</span> are matters. People, Soldiers, anyone follow <span style="font-style: italic; font-weight: bold;">you</span> because <span style="font-style: italic; font-weight: bold;">you</span> have a clear sense of who you are and what your passions are. Where your priorities lie. Having those things allows you to have a vision of the outcome. It equals the Commander's Intent. I now have a vision for myself and my family. It is flexible enough to withstand the storms and permanent enough to be able to dance in the rain.<br /><br />The combination of perseverance and passion come together in perspective. As a friend of mine put it to me on many occasions, the ability to step outside the emotion and respect both sides of the argument equally. The ability to offer others the respect they deserve for their differing opinion. To respect their perspective and their passion as equally as out own. In essence, to allow for dissent. To allow for an opposing view. To value the argument as much as the outcome. To learn and see and appreciate how to live outside of your own views. To truly learn COIN. To suspend your own filters and judgments long enough to hear and see another way of being. To respect yourself enough to respect others.<br /><br />The Army is constantly re-looking the attributes it requires of the profession. Perseverance, Passion and Perspective might just be some to consider. I want my leaders to have the ability to keep their perspective, the perseverance to stay the course, and the passion to learn to dance in the rain. I want to surround myself with that kind of professional. I want to fill my life with that kind of person. I want to embrace those qualities in myself. I want to be led by people who are passionate about what they do. I want to be led my people who I know will persevere. I want to be led by people who can keep their eyes looking towards the future without surrendering the joy and pain of the moment. Don't you?<br /><br />As always, your thoughts and comments are welcome.<br /></span></div><div><br /></div>Fenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06348152970109407543noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-446049270059337405.post-86951958374916396222011-10-09T20:56:00.001-05:002011-10-09T21:02:56.952-05:00#140 Thanks and I'm Sorry...<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: arial;">A while back, a friend of mine told me that one day I would need to write a thank you note to the Army. To express my gratitude to the institution and everything that it has provided me over the years. To tell it how much it has means to me to serve in it. To say thank you for allowing me an extremely productive and powerful and successful career. To recognize the impact that it has had on my life. To give the Army its' proper due. To say <span class="Apple-style-span">"Thank you"</span>. And while I'm at it, to offer it an apology. I have been a harsh critic of the institution at times, particularly regarding leader development. This week another friend showed me how wrong I have been.</span><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: arial;">So tonight with a ton of humility I want to thank the Unites States Army for everything it has provided to me over the last 21 plus years. Far beyond a job, the Army has been my profession. Far beyond a paycheck, it has become part of my life. Like with my child or my wife, I cannot remember a time when the Army wasn't part of my everyday thinking, my behavior, my pattern of being. I carry it with me everywhere I go. I wear my service and my dedication to the Army like an old comfortable coat. It is always there. </span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: arial;">I joined the Army when I was 21 years old. I turned 22 during Basic Training. At the time I enlisted I was broke, bordering on homeless, and drifting from one job to another with no real goal in mind. I had tried college for a year after High School, but wasn't prepared for all the freedom and lack of structure that college life affords. I couldn't handle it and quit. I walked into a recruiting station one day and saw a way to at least stay fed, housed and protected for a period of time while I sorted out what I wanted to do with my life. That was the first time the Army came to be my provider. I have never said thank you for that opportunity. </span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: arial;">I saw in my first unit that the Army was filled with all kinds of different people, from all kinds of different backgrounds and experiences. We were all brand new Privates and we learned together to be tough, to endure, the value of strength and determination. In the rough, course language and ways of young men, we learned to become men. I was the smart kid, there were others who were tougher. We learned to value what each of us could bring to the table. There were guys who would come to my room on Sunday morning, hung over, or beat up and drink coffee and smoke cigarettes and we would talk. They wanted to have my brains, and I wanted to be unafraid and as tough as they were. The relationship worked out well for both sides. The Army taught me the value of diversity. It takes each of us to contribute everything we have, with all of our vast experiences to accomplish a mission that is bigger than each of us alone. I do not live in an insular world. I live in a world filled with every race, creed, color, gender, background you can imagine. The Army gave me that opportunity and I am grateful to it for having done so.</span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: arial;">I have been mentored over the years by some great people who saw in me more than I could see in myself. JC and CW who gave me opportunities that have paid off ever since. I could not have known what graduating Ranger school, or being inducted into the Audie Murphy Club, or being the NCO of the Year would mean to me back then, but I do now. That was the beginning of a magical and powerful period. It would provide the strength I would need down the road. JB taught me how to navigate the Army systems. SG taught me that there were no excuses allowed. There are only expectations of excellence. MO taught me that no matter how high you might get in the organization, there is always time to recognize the people a lot further down on the ladder. BS showed me what common sense and true friendship look like. When everything went sideways for me, it was the ideas, thoughts, discussions, and examples of these people who have shaped my service the most. The Army brought them into my life. I am so very grateful that it did. The Army has brought hundreds more as well. Soldiers I have served with, Soldiers I have trained, Soldiers who have pushed me to be better than I thought I could be. KM and CR have come to my life because of the Army. To them - and to the Army - I owe a special debt of thanks.</span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: arial;">The Army has provided for my family very well. It has given me security and value and allowed me to build my family in a safe and secure home and community. I have not ever wondered if I would lose my job, or end up in dire financial straights or whether I could afford decent health care for my family. I have been blessed by the Army and the taxpayer for a solid middle class standard of living. I am grateful for that. As we stare at high unemployment rates and job losses across all sectors, there is a security that I enjoy that many others do not. I am thankful for that. There are thousands of people across the country tonight who do not know how they will provide for their loved ones tomorrow or next month. I, thankfully, do not have that worry. And in those times when the Army did ask more of me than normal, it also provided generously for anything it extracted in return. The Army has always been a more than fair partner and I am grateful for that.</span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: arial;">The Army brought me my family. I was raised in New England and only by chance ended up in the South. I was going to leave the Army before I met the woman who has been my wife for the last 16 years. We were brought together by other Army friends from another magical period. I will always be grateful for that. She and I have been through a lot together, but through it all, the Army has always been there. It is as much a part of her life - whether she wants it to be or not - as it is mine. </span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: arial;">The Army has tested me. In every way possible. Ethically, physically, emotionally and intellectually. The Army has provided me the opportunity to grow and mature and strive and overcome and be pushed to the limits and I am grateful for each of those times. Even the dark period of Black Hearts has turned out to be a blessing. As huge a tragedy, and as evil and difficult as that time was, it has provided me the opportunity to take this journey,one that far too few people ever do. I am a better man today because of it. Of that, there is no doubt. </span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: arial;">And so, I want to thank the Army. To thank it with all of my being for taking such good care of me over the years. The man I am, the man that I want to become and the man I never want to return to again, have all been shown to me because of my time in the Army. I will forever remain grateful to and humbled by the many blessings she has provided me. A huge institution made up of millions of people, and there is still the powerful force to affect one man. </span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: arial;">That sense of gratitude also forces me to offer an apology to the Army. I spent much of my early time here on these pages ridiculing and reviling and complaining about and railing against the very institution that has taken such good care of me. I have acted like a spoiled and petulant child at times. And like a child, I often didn't know all the facts and cast judgement well before I should have. That came home to me this past week when a mentor of mine sent me 3 short paragraphs and told me that maybe the institution isn't as far off base as I keep saying it is. Maybe, just maybe, it's not the Army that is getting it all wrong, maybe it's just a small bunch of people inside the organization who won't embrace change and development and the reality of 21st century warfare and leadership. His comments came out of post #139 where my contention was that the system we have in place for leader development isn't working and should be refocused solely on developing one individual. He sent me the following passages:</span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="line-height: 14px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #20124d; font-family: arial;">"Professionally competent leaders strive to develop, maintain, and use the full range of human potential in their organizations. This potential is a critical factor in ensuring the Army, as a whole, is performing at peak capacity. The Army must never underestimate the talents of subordinates, nor miscalculate how oversight of this potential can thwart productivity within organizations."</span></span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="line-height: 14px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #20124d; font-family: arial;">"The obligation to train and develop junior leaders includes training subordinates on the full spectrum of Joint Operations, and then presenting them the occasions in both Institutional schools and Operational assignments, to obtain the highest levels of personal achievement possible in their profession. It is imperative to continually enhance their potential and develop relevant skill-sets that support the unit's mission. In doing so, the institution will essentially promote the growth and development of a future generation of talented leaders."</span></span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #20124d; font-family: arial;">"Structured professional growth from institutional schools augmented with leadership training conducted at the organizational level will continue the individuals growth. Effective counseling, hands-on coaching and committed mentorship will ground this developmental process in the fundamentals of leadership to develop mental agility, and flexibility, while still insisting on a high standard of performance at all times, regardless of the circumstances."</span><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: arial;">Apparently, the Army recognized awhile ago what it needed to do. I am the guy who didn't get the memo. I should have been paying closer attention to what the system was getting right, rather than just spouting off about what I thought it was getting wrong each week. So for being ungrateful and for being short-sighted, I want to offer my most sincere apology. I am sorry. The institution did not deserve my callousness and my sarcasm and my holier-than-thou attitude. The only one jacked-up around here is me. A powerful lesson learned to be sure. The institution seems to know exactly what it needs. Maybe I might want to shut up and listen.</span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: arial;">Over the past 21 years, the Army has treated me well, encouraged me to grow, and supported me when I needed it. Tonight I am so very thankful for all of that. I am also grateful that it is forgiving enough to look past my many shortcomings and continues to offer me opportunities to learn and develop. My journey to this point would not have been possible without the support of the Army. My future successes, failures and lessons learned will also be made available to me because of it. The past, the present and the future of me is intimately connected to the United States Army. She is an incredible partner to walk with. I am grateful to call her my friend. </span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: arial;">As always, your thoughts and comments are welcome.</span></div>
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Fenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06348152970109407543noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-446049270059337405.post-39493241305226718932011-10-02T07:22:00.004-05:002011-10-02T11:15:17.244-05:00#139 Inspiration<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #351c75; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">"There are only two mistakes one can make along the road to truth; not going all the way, and not starting."</span><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #351c75; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">"Your work is to discover your world and then with all your heart give yourself to it."</span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">This past week I asked the administrators on the Army Leader Net site to post all of the blogs from 127 - 138. I had been posting them myself each week, but had fallen behind. I also wondered if this part of my journey really belonged there. Is it worth sharing with other Army leaders? Is it really an Army leadership topic at all? Do people care enough to read and consider it? Finally, I decided to do it for a couple of reasons. First, the readership and feedback here has been steadily growing over the course of the last 6 months, which told me that there are other folks out there who are relating to, and finding value in, my thoughts. I average just shy of 200 page views a week now, not including those people who I mail it to, and that number has grown since the blog took a more personal turn over the summer. Second, I strongly believe that most folks are not as self-aware as they could or should be. Especially in the Army. If sharing my journey will help them start, or possibly get the organization to take a hard look at how it develops young leaders, then it is worth it. While the journey itself is mine, there are some larger questions that I think many people in the Army are coming to grips with after 10 years of war. Plus, if you don't agree with my thoughts you always have the option to not read them or to disagree with them and form your own ideas. Ultimately, I hope that while my journey is personal and helps me to become a better man, husband, father and Army leader, if it provokes someone else to consider their own ideas and thoughts, then it has an inherent value all its own. Sometimes all it takes is a spark.</span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">When I came across the first quote above, it struck me though how far I have to go. Because someone who has become a dear friend showed me the first step back in March or early April and has walked every inch of it with me, I am a much more complete person than I was before. At very least, I am more honestly seeing myself than I probably ever have. Being more truthful and searching harder for the answers that are truly mine. In effect, stripping away the a lot of the self-deceit and learning to fight hard to recognize the truths about myself and then grow into them. That has been the start of the journey. For example, really seeing and accepting last week that I am a type 4 Romantic and not running from it and denying it or trying to make myself believe that I am someone or something else. Seeing it, recognizing it's truth and then accepting it felt really good. It felt very true and real and comforting. I wasn't hiding or pretending. I am exactly who I am. It felt authentic. Another piece of the puzzle fits into place. </span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Each new layer though has uncovered something else underneath it. I have come to see that there is no real endpoint to this. And that sense of lifelong discovering fills me with happiness and joy. I look forward now to searching and looking and seeing myself more truthfully each day. It is no longer a fearful journey. It has become one of strength and optimism. That recognition that the journey itself is never complete is important. It's the part I think most leaders and leader development systems miss. There is this idea that one 'discovers' what type of leader they are and then they stay that way, never accepting that we cannot remain the same person, with the same outlooks, the same thoughts and ideas and priorities forever. We are dynamic and our lives are dynamic and we must continually fight to live in the present moment. Knowing that who we were a decade ago is not who we are today and will not be who we become a decade down the road. The key is to remain truthful to yourself in each of those places. To live each day as honestly as possible, accepting that tomorrow that honesty might be slightly different. </span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Importantly though, there will be some threads that bind each of those parts together. Threads that run constant and seamless through all the periods of our lives. Those are the truest parts of our core and those are the things we need to fight to find and hold onto when everything else changes. Those are the values we hold dear. I am not the same man at 43 that I was at 27, but the core values and attributes that make me me have not changed. I am still dedicated and persevering and hard working and loyal and thoughtful. I still feel the pull of obligation. The sense of duty. A sense of pride in myself and my life's work - even when it has been doubted and discounted. Those are cornerstone things. They do not change. How they manifest themselves does. At 27, I had the Army by the tail. I was a young lion, ahead of the game and making a name for myself. Brash, arrogant, smart and willing to do whatever you asked me to. No questions asked. Pure determination and ballsy confidence that no matter what I touched it would turn out right. At 43, that determination still exists. Make no mistake about that. Now though, it is brought about by a different set of influences. I am not the same man. I should not think the same way.</span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">The second quote above is the goal. To continually discover my world - to see it as truthfully as possible - as cleanly, clearly and honestly as I can, and to recognize those blind spots that I have that prevent me from always being clear, and then to live in each day, each moment, each second with the fullest of intention and intensity. Feeling safe that where I am is where I belong right now, and that no matter what tomorrow or the future holds, I know two things will always be true. First, that I will not be 10 years from now who I am today. Second, that those things that truly make me me will never change their true nature, only their form. A lot of the journey is figuring out what they are.</span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Why is this important to leader development systems? Because the system itself is charged with developing <i><b>people</b></i> into<i><b> leaders</b></i>. The start point is one person at a particular point in time. The system is also generally designed to meet the needs of an organization at a particular point in time. If you see those as fixed points, then sooner or later you will lose. The system becomes too big to deal with rapid change, and the person finds they cannot adapt as well as they need to in order to keep up. The system says to the person, "<span class="Apple-style-span">Here is what we need you to become today.</span>" The person then meets that need. Neither side really looking at the fact that there is no stagnation to time. Each moment demands it's own recognition and then it passes and the next one appears. You cannot build a structured system in a dynamic environment. </span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Or can you? What if the entire system was designed around the person? What if the purpose of all Army leader development systems was to help you see yourself authentically at each step along your career. What if, instead of teaching management steps in what we call our leadership schools, we started the young leader down a road of personal discovery and development? What if instead of forcing me into the system, we developed a system designed to enhance me? We do this in other places, why not the Army? Why shouldn't self-awareness, self-recognition and self-regulation be the endstate of leader development? Why shouldn't we, or couldn't we really give people an understanding of dynamic change? We tell people in our manuals that they need to develop self-awareness as a leader tool, but we never really spend any time doing it. It's about time that we really focus leader development away from rigid systems and focus it only on the enhancement of the person. The Army is a huge organization, it has a place in it for each of us. Why not create a system that helps us find that place and then contribute back from there? </span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">My life and my career are intimately connected. My journey on these pages is representative of how I got to this point both personally and professionally. The road ahead fills me with hope. As I become more authentic and true to myself, so does my capacity to lead authentically and truthfully. </span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">I have taken the first steps on a long journey. The goal is to discover my world and then live in it with all of my heart. I have started. Now I must go all the way. There is one final quote from Buddha that struck me that I think is valuable here:</span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #351c75; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">"<span class="Apple-style-span">It is better to travel well than to arrive.</span>"</span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">As always, your thoughts and comments are welcome. </span></div>
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Fenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06348152970109407543noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-446049270059337405.post-80081654245506984662011-09-25T17:41:00.001-05:002011-09-25T18:10:40.625-05:00#138 What Number are You?<div style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">
<span style="font-size: small;">I actually wasn't planning on writing this week. I couldn't find anything that I felt I could pin down enough to make sense of. It has been an intense week of discovery and understanding and clarity in many ways, and there are a lot of half-formed and somewhat incoherent thoughts floating around.</span></div>
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<span style="font-size: small;">This morning though, a friend of mine asked me to take an Enneagram personality test. I took the 38 question sample test and then looked at my results. It absolutely floored me how accurate they were! In fact, many of the issues that she and I have been discussing over these past months became very very clear in just a few moments. It turns out that who I am and many of my common behaviors and feelings and methods of operating are not all that original. In fact, there are only 9 types of personalities indicated by the test itself, so at best, using the way it works, there are only 243 total permutations available. On the results page however, were tips and hints and suggestions as to how to best communicate or deal with each of the 9 types. </span></div>
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<span style="font-size: small;">While this was another sort of "Ah Hah!' moment for me personally, it also opened up another discussion between she and I regarding leadership and the Army. And then what I wanted to write about became clear.</span></div>
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<span style="font-size: small;">The Army really only has one leadership model to work from. It is a hierarchical system, top-driven, and based upon position, power (both real and perceived) and rank and title. The qualities that it requires or applauds or accentuates are things like toughness, decisiveness, aggressiveness, perseverance, respect etc. A leader who can Be, Know, and Do. A leader who is comfortable with themselves and the requirements of their position and their role. Someone who is cool under pressure, and calm in crisis and grounded in a solid sense of right and wrong and who can keep an eye on the overall objective when the situation doesn't turn out as expected. </span></div>
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<span style="font-size: small;">So far so good. The Army has requirements for it's leaders. No problem. In fact, those qualities listed above are probably highly sought after in other organizations as well. I'm sure corporate America would highly praise those same attributes in their employees too. </span></div>
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<span style="font-size: small;">The issue becomes what happens when the individual's personality traits don't fit the model the Army requires? If you accept for a moment that there are 9 different personality types outlined in the Enneagram, and the Army, generally speaking, prizes only one of those types, then what are we to do with the other 8 types of people? Do they have a place inside the organization? How do we make best use of their talents? Importantly, are we trying to force round pegs into square holes? Maybe even more importantly, do we need to expand the Army model of successful leadership to include those types of personalities other than the ones who naturally fit the leader paradigm we have established? My answer to the last two questions is we are and we do. We are spending a lot of time with the wrong personality types in the wrong places in the organization, and recognizing that would drive home the need to expand the requirements of leadership to include other models not currently valued. Simply put, the Army will always need people like George Patton or Douglas MacArthur, but people like them will not be successful without people like Dwight Eisenhower or George Marshall. You can't have Norman Schwartzkopf without having Colin Powell. </span></div>
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<span style="font-size: small;">Over the last 6 months, I have outlined many of the aspects of my personal journey towards self-awareness. It has been a demanding and interesting and powerfully uplifting time of my life. There have been some very hard and difficult days, and some where the understandings have come quickly and easily. It was hard to admit that I failed to provide my platoon authentic leadership in 2006 when they needed it most. It took months to get to that point. Other awarenesses have become clear to me very quickly, the pains and hurts easy to let go of. Others have been amazingly slow coming and I have had to revisit them time after time to become comfortable with my understandings. As one layer of the onion would get peeled back, another set of challenges would have to be confronted. Sometimes what I thought was clear 3 months ago, only turned out to be a single layer of the issue. It contained a complexity I could not then understand. Three months later, another layer gets revealed. That is why it is a journey. Not everything can be revealed at once. </span></div>
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<span style="font-size: small;">Today was one of those days....A day when a lot of other pieces seemed to come together for me. I failed to provide my platoon 'authentic' leadership in 2006. Fact. Kind of. It's a little more complex than that. What I really failed to do was provide them my authentic leadership in the way that they needed it to for the situation and time we faced. I was trying to be something that I am not. Trying to be an Army model leader, when, by personality type, that's not the model that suits me best. I am not a failed leader, I was the wrong guy for that situation. There was another guy, readily available, who might have been the right guy. It's not that I am not a solid leader, it's that the type of leadership, the method, the way I operate best - and most authentically - wasn't what was needed at that time.</span><br />
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<span style="font-size: small;">The key to any successful leader is their authenticity. That they remain true to themselves. That they know and understand and live comfortably in their own skin. That they operate in concert with who they truly are. That there not be any distance between their core self-understanding and their outward behaviors. That who you see is who you get. As soon as you try to force someone into a model that does not suit them, and then force them into roles and positions they are not suited for and are not comfortable with, then they will be forced to become false representations of themselves. They will become actors. Once someone starts acting out of concert with themselves, it is a long slow slippery slope until you end up one day not being able to tell who you are anymore. Trust me on that. It took 5 years of sliding to see how far from my authentic self I had slipped. The journey back has been amazing, and has transformed my life, but it isn't something I would want to have to do again. </span></div>
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<span style="font-size: small;">To be fair, the Army does administer personality tests in different organizations and at some points along the leader development spectrum, but it is often too late when they do. If your career path has already been laid out for you as an Infantry officer for example, 10 years into that path may not be the time to find out that you are ill-suited to the type of leadership model that that path requires. Especially if promotions and paychecks and careers and your livelihood are hanging in the balance. The organization should start much earlier in a person's career path. That way, the possibility of aligning the right person with a particular personality set to the right place in the organization where they can best contribute using the totality of their skills, abilities and attributes is greatly enhanced. I saw an article today online that said the Army needed to draw down its over-all size by 50,000 Soldiers. I wonder how many people we might lose only because we are putting them in the wrong place where they don't match up with the needs of the organization? Just a thought, but not everyone is George Patton, and Dwight Eisenhower was not considered a stellar officer during his early career. It shouldn't be chance, fate, or patronage that keeps people like Eisenhower around, it should be by aligning the way they are best suited to contributing with the needs of the organization. </span></div>
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<span style="font-size: small;">I am a Type 4. A Type 4 heavily influenced by Type 3 and Type 6. The Army only seems to like Type 8. What type are you?</span></div>
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<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">As always, your thoughts and comments are welcome.</span></span><br />
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<br />Fenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06348152970109407543noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-446049270059337405.post-15168583179252723802011-09-18T07:35:00.000-05:002011-09-24T21:52:10.789-05:00#137 Passion, Purpose and the Road Back<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">4:30 in the morning may not be the best time to start a blog post, but it works for me. I like the quiet, the sense that I can work peacefully and write and then post and then move on with my day. While many people take Sunday mornings as a chance to sleep in, I find that getting up early on Sundays to write sets the whole day, and the following week, off to a good start. </span><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Yesterday, a very dear friend of mine sent me a YouTube video of a Ross Evans presentation at a TED (Technology, Entertainment, Design) event. Evans is a relentless inventor, seeing a problem, a practical solution, and then creating opportunity by merging the two. You can Google TEDx for more information. </span><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">The important part of the presentation had to do with how Evans got started. In it, there are 3 overlapping circles, one labeled Passion, another labeled Purpose and a third labeled Contribution, which caught my eye. </span><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">What is your passion? What makes you most come alive? What brings you to that place where every effort and every sacrifice seems so full of potential and makes you want to just give into it every time? That place where you know that you are doing something that speaks to you and calls forth the best of your talents and understandings.</span><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">What is your Purpose? Why are you here, and what is your obligation to your world? What do you singularly contribute to that world that no one else can? What is it about the your particular make-up and experience that makes your contribution different than anyone else's?</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">What is your Commitment? What are you committed to doing in your own space? It doesn't matter how small or large that space is, it can be your own family, your neighborhood, your city or town, or maybe even the world. What is it that you want to have happen if you can get your Passion and Purpose to come together in one clear moment? </span><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">The idea of these three over-lapping circles immediately struck me and, while I have no real interest in any of Evans inventions, or even their implications and contributions in the developing world, I was struck by his demeanor, an almost overflowing enthusiasm for his work, his contribution. By watching the video, you can clearly see the potent combination of Passion + Purpose + Contribution playing out on the stage. </span><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">This post also feels a little like a turning point, I think, a bend in the road. For the last 6 months I have torn apart my life in a very real way and have gained a lot of understanding about who I am, who I'm not (arguably more important) and the ways in which my behaviors and actions have an impact on my authenticity, my relationships and the peace in my soul. A lot of that, at least thematically, has shown up here and has touched a nerve with a lot of people. 7 of the top 10 posts from Fen's Thoughts have come from this period and the readership has almost doubled in that time. I have tried to see my failings honestly, struggled to see myself authentically, uncovered the lies that I present to the world every day because I think I have to, and tried to answer the question, <span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #20124d;">"Well, if I'm not who I thought I was, then exactly who the hell am I?" </span></span><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">And that may be the purpose of this post. To begin looking at who I am, instead of looking so much at who I am not. What are my passions? What is my purpose? How do I contribute to my world? Have you ever thought about that? About the relationship in your life between passion, purpose and contribution? After 6 months of near-constant work the time seems to be approaching when it is time for me to start rebuilding. It's time to be me. Authentically me. Time to dedicate my energies to those things that speak most directly to me and fill my life with real purpose. To fill it with the full impact and force that I have. To appreciate, and use, my singular talents to contribute to my little world and to bring peace, calm and purpose to my soul. This time though, to do it with intention. Not accidentally, not by suddenly ending up somewhere and having no idea how I got there, but with the clear intention of discovering and retaining and developing my authentic self. Do you live in your world intentionally? Or have you ended up somewhere finding yourself out of place and not really sure how you got there? I have been given the most wonderful gift of being able to take a look at my life and how I got here and now it it time to take those parts that were unintentional, even accidental and replace them with a life of intention and purpose.</span><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">What I do best is solve problems. The problem itself doesn't really matter. Crafting a viable solution does. I find a sense of personal value - of passion and contribution there. In the understanding and context or it, in the solutions available to solve it, and in designing a mechanism to resolve it. I saw a marksmanship problem and solved it. I saw a female body armor problem and helped craft a solution. What started out as my own personal unraveling here has become a body of work that people approach me about and are interested in. When I am most clearly being me, I recognize a need, and have an ability to craft a solution pretty quickly to fill it. I am articulate and bright enough to find resources that advance it. I also don't mind short-circuiting the process and finding that person or that group who can most rapidly affect change or help move a project forward. A combination of understanding, vision and abilities that allow me to see things that others don't, to recognize the implications and to marshal the requirements necessary to fix them. A force of personality and passion and drive. While it has taken 3 years to get the marksmanship program fully supported and resourced, we are now running at full capacity and are spreading the word each week to units and Soldiers alike. The next generation of body armor will be the first to have a design fit specifically for female Soldiers to increase their ability to defend themselves and their peers and to effectively fire their weapon. The blog has led to friendships and opportunities, and blessings that I would not have had if I didn't think and write each week. I need something to focus on. I do not do well in a void. Without something to consider, I become restless and bored and self-destructive. I am not in a good place for me without something to sink myself into. </span><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">I am relentless once I turn my full attention to something. The basis for the original marksmanship program was built in 3 days and executed over 3 months and then I worked endlessly to continue it and advance it and get it resourced and funded and supported. I certainly had help from a lot of people along the way, people with vision and authority and influence who have been instrumental in helping advance the idea, but ultimately, the hard work, the day-to-day raising of it has been done by me. Now I can turn my energy towards sustaining it, although admittedly, that does not interest me nearly as much. The same is true for my personal journey. The amount of hours, the near-total immersion into looking at my life has been staggering. It is truthfully a part of every thought I have now. I used to be able to treat it as something I could pick up and put down. To work on for a bit and then put back on the shelf. Not now. Now it demands and commands my attention every day. My real commitment and passion now is to effectively leading myself and my family. That is the journey. To authentically lead myself. That leadership demands self-awareness, authenticity, and talent. Talent can be developed and nurtured and expanded on. Self-awareness and authenticity have to be uncovered. I have not done this alone, not by a long shot, but I did have to recognize the problem and then set myself to working on it. I did have to be willing to take on the project of my own unhappiness in the first place. Marksmanship, body armor, me.....No difference really. Only the complexity of the problem, the depth of the obstacles that have to be overcome and the willingness to take it on. And the relentless focus to fill the need. </span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">What are your passions? Is it your passion to lead Soldiers? Is that what you truly want to do with your life? Is it your passion to create or to sustain? Each have their own merit. There are plenty of people who can build something or invent something or create something who cannot nurture it to a long-term viable state. There are also those folks who will never be the creative force behind something new, but who, once it is seen and understood, have an incredible ability to sustain it and ensure it remains relative over time. Our world, from our families to our communities to the world at large need both. Knowing where you properly fit - where your passion meets your purpose is a crucial step. </span><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">What is your purpose? Are you, have you, taken your passions and mixed them with your skills and abilities to affect positive change in your life? Professionally, I am getting very close to that on some days. Personally, I have a lot of miles to go. But now, instead of just feeling out of synch and lost as I move through my days, there is a sense or recognition of when my passions and my purpose are working together and when they are not. That's been a major step in coming to my understanding of me. I cannot always affect change the way I would like to quite yet, but that doesn't mean I failed. Now that I can see where the divergence happens, I can turn the relentless energy of problem solving inward and focus on finding a solution that works for me. </span><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Where is <i>my</i> deepest passion? I'm not exactly sure, but somehow this journey, my journey, calls to me. If I could do anything at all with my life right now, it would be to travel the Army and talk about leadership. Not how to do it - that's management - but rather why discovering, knowing and living as truthfully and authentically as possible is ultimately the key development piece to becoming a leader who espouses those characteristics the Army is trying to find so desperately right now. I have the answer. The answer is in the journey. The journey we all must take in order to not find ourselves one day in a place we do not belong. With skills ill-suited for the problems we face, and completely out of synch with our passion and purpose. The answer is in the journey to ensure that we end up in the place where passion, purpose, and commitment come together in such a powerful way that our world - no matter how large or small - is positively influenced by our presence in it. </span><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">My journey is instructive toward that end. It calls out the best of me every day. Last week on a rifle range, I met a battalion commander familiar with Black Hearts and that period in my life. He indicated that he would like me to come to his unit and talk about that time. I don't know today whether it will come about or not, but what I do know is that Black Hearts was a terrible, tragic time that has also been the greatest blessing of my life. Out of that nightmare, I have been reborn and today, with full intention, and all of the passion and purpose I have available to me, I have come around the bend. I am on the road back and the journey has been worth every single step.</span><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">As always, your thoughts and comments are welcome.</span><br />
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<br />Fenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06348152970109407543noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-446049270059337405.post-39752076991493333302011-09-10T21:24:00.000-05:002011-09-10T22:19:28.099-05:00#136 Learning to Dance<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #20124d; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">"The only way to make sense out of change is to plunge into it, move with it, join the dance"</span><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">I'm standing in a doorway now. In fact, I've been here for a little while. Behind me is the past. Yesterday. The first 43 years. Ahead of me is a partial unknown. My instincts are a little rusty, but generally solid. I need to move. Need to push my way through the door. A friend of mine is standing right behind me. She will not force me forward, but she will not let me step backwards either. She stands there quiet and calm and unwavering. A voice inside me keeps asking me the same damn question over and over and over....<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #20124d;">"Hey man, when you gonna step through? When you gonna move? I'm getting tired of standing here spinning my wheels. C'mon, brother, it's time to leap. Lets go."</span> For a long time, I have been trying to silence that voice. Not sure how much longer I can.</span><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">I got a note last week from an Army friend asking me facetiously whether or not I'd retired. Part of the note said, <span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #20124d;">"Your blogs are more about life nowadays, than Army leadership. Well, actually, it all turns out to be applicable to both."</span> Thank you my friend, you managed to say in 2 sentences what I have been trying to say for the last year and especially the last 6 months. This <i>is</i> a blog about leadership. It is also a blog about life - my life - and <i>my</i> leadership journey. It is a blog about me learning how to lead myself.</span><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Anyone remember middle school dances? If you are my age, they might have gone a little like this: All the boys would stand on one side of the gym, all the girls on the other and everyone would stare at each other all night until there was 20 minutes left and the DJ would play either "Free Bird" or "Stairway to Heaven". And then suddenly you would screw up enough courage to walk across the dance floor and ask some girl to dance. Praying to God she said yes, so your buddies wouldn't laugh at you. And then you would get to put your hands on her waist and she might put her hands on your shoulders and the two of you would slowly spin in circles even though the songs picked up their tempo. Sound familiar? Remember that second when you knew that it was now or never? That if you didn't walk up and ask her right now, then it would be too late? Well, minus the too late part, that's a lot how I feel tonight about my own leadership journey. It's that last second before I break away and screw up the courage to ask her to dance. In this case, before I let go of the my past and embrace my future. Embrace my authentic self. Embrace the truth. Trust my instincts to guide me. My hands are shoved down deep in my pockets now, my feet shuffling around and kicking at some imaginary piece of invisible something on the gym floor, starting to rock back and forth a little....What have you got to lose? Go ask her! It's time to move. It's time to dance.</span><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">I have spent the better part of the last 6 months pulling and tugging and stretching and tearing and trying to look at my life and see how I got to this place. To see how I could end up feeling so paralyzed sometimes that it's almost impossible to even breath and then feeling such an amazing burst of energy and confidence that it feels like you can't be stopped. To peel back layer after layer after layer and start to take full responsibility for my own life. My own happiness. My own success. See, that's the part that confuses people about me the most. I am very successful. I have enjoyed a ton of good fortune throughout my Army career and most of it through my own efforts and determination and passion and drive. I have ambition and a talent for this particular profession. I have every reason to know - truly know - that I possess every single attribute and skill necessary to truly enjoy the challenges that lie ahead. I know it like I know my name. I know that I am a leader. I know that I have vision. I know that I can read the tea leaves and see around the corners better than most. I have faith in my ability to deliver what I say I will every time. And generally better than anyone expected. All if that is simple truth. But what drives all that success? Is it pure self-confidence, pure self possession? Pure belief in my innate abilities? The knowledge that I have an entire careers worth of success that informs me? </span><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Don't I wish! If only it were so. Why, given all that I know to be true about myself, can't I seem to break free from this final chain? Why will I walk all the way to the edge and stick my toe over it and then pull back? Why is this final doorway kicking my ass so hard? Simple. I'm afraid to fail. I'm afraid to strike out. I failed once in a really big way and it made a lasting impression. A lasting impression because it had never happened to me on that scale before. An impression that has been hard to break free of. A self-trust that has been hard to regain. I walked across the gym floor and asked the pretty girl to dance, and she said no and then turned back to her girlfriends and they all started giggling. </span><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">It's coming back though. I can feel it. All the hard work, all the excavating, all the stripping away of the layers. Every second of the journey completely worth it. Each day, I get a little bit closer to me again. My legs are getting stronger, my eyes clearer and my purpose more narrowed and pure. I have failed and I have survived that failure. It's time to cut all of the things that have been chaining me to the doorway loose and start to trust my instincts and my abilities again. It is time to take full possession of my life. To not be a victim of my own creation. Not personally, and not professionally. It is time to walk through the door. </span><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">As a leader, there will always be times when you come up short. Those times deserve to be looked at, studied and learned from. They deserve an honest appraisal and a search for the cause. But once you have done that - and God knows it might take some time - you will come to a doorway. On one side you remain chained to the failure and let it redefine you. On the other side is the humble acceptance that you won't always get it right. The other side holds one other important piece too. There's a pretty girl over there who just might say yes....I guess it's time to learn how to dance....</span><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">As always, your thoughts and comments are welcome.</span><br />
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<br />Fenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06348152970109407543noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-446049270059337405.post-52786127795090725052011-09-04T16:52:00.001-05:002011-09-04T21:32:44.793-05:00#135 Who Are You? Wanna Bet?<div style="color: black;">
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">Who are you? Who are you really? How do you define yourself? Think you know the answer to that? Try it. See if you can come up with the truth of who you are. Clean and pure and honest. Try this....If someone walked up to you today and asked you to describe your best qualities and your worst, how true and accurate do you think your answers would be? Would they be the truth of you, or would they be neatly packaged to highlight what you think the 'good' parts are and downplay the 'bad'? I'm not judging the highlighting itself, but is it the truth? Would they be you, or what you think the world wants to see? Can you see and accept your own truth? I found out last night that it's not always easy to do.</span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">I have spent a lot of time lately thinking about my personal definition of manhood. What I value about being precisely me. Not my biological maleness, but my definition of what it means to <i>be</i> a man. What are those parts of me that are fundamental to me. The values, the qualities, the character....What makes me me? Each of us will have our own set of understandings about what these things are, and that is critically important to understand. Does being a man equal physical strength? Intelligence? Emotional hardness? Softness? Stripping away every other definition that the world bombards us with, what does being a man or woman mean to you, and do you live in accordance with that understanding? Do your actions match your character and values? Is your truth that cleanly lived? The more layers I peel away, the more I am finding out that for me, a lot of my truth has not been cleanly lived. I just got very very good at sliding around in the muck.</span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">I have said many times, that if you want to know who someone really is, take their public 'persona' and then do a 180 degree shift. Take what they give you and spend some time looking right behind that and seeing what you find. Look for the opposites. For many people this will be your first inclination of who they truly are whether or not they know it. In fact, until recently, I had done a damn good job of convincing myself and the world around me that what I was living each day was who I truly am. Oooops! Not so much it seems. </span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">This whole idea came to a head last night. I was asked to list those qualities of mine that I thought were central to my manhood. As I listed some of them, one stuck out and deserved a little more attention. Needed to be looked at more thoroughly. And what I found in the end was what I often give the world is a facade. I present what I think the world wants to see instead of remaining true to who I am at my core. I am not being authentic. I guess at what I think someone might want to see and then craft myself to meet my understanding of what they want. I bet a lot of other people do that too. I am absolutely certain that I'm not alone here. After awhile though, you get so good at shifting and sliding around that you lose sight of who you are. That's what happened to me. I have been denying myself to myself. I have not been truthfully me. </span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">Why does all this matter? Why am I telling you this? Why should you even care? Why all this soul-searching and the journey and all of that? Why share it on a leadership blog? Because it truly <i>does</i> matter. It matters very much if you are ever to be a leader. A leader in your family, in your workplace, in your community. If you are ever to lead, then you have to be authentic. You have to know yourself completely. And you have to continually pull apart the layers of falsity until you get there. That is what I am doing here. I knew that I wasn't being truthful to myself, but couldn't see what the truth was. Now, as I peel back the layers, I may not always like what I see, but I damn sure like knowing that it is at least honest. I am not hiding anymore. </span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">In the purest sense, what sets leaders apart from others is that they are honest with themselves and authentic. They know exactly who the hell they are. They do not placate, or shield, or deny, or hide, or look away from the truth of themselves. They know the good parts and the bad parts in equal measure. They calmly <span style="background-color: white;">say, "This is who I am. Take me or leave me." </span><span style="background-color: #20124d;"></span> And we know who they are too. We can see it, and even feel it when we are around them. When a leader walks in the room, everyone else knows it. It's not the title, or the rank, or any of that crap, it's them. They possess a peace, a calmness, a certitude about themselves that makes the rest of the room take notice. And that calmness and certitude generates from their authenticity. They accept themselves completely honestly and don't give a damn if you do or not. They do not care about your judgement of them for they are the only judge of themselves who matters. They make their choices based upon their values, and their character. They make decisions based upon their understandings and priorities, not yours. And they stand comfortably on that ground. </span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">Those are the type of leaders our Army is crying out for. Men and women of known character and values. Of calm certainty and truth. Men and women who will make the best decisions they can, the best choices for their people, who can see more accurately what the mission demands and rest more peacefully because they are not worried about what the boss might think. Those are the leaders the Army demands. </span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">I came out of last night in a different spot than when I went in. Something I had convinced myself I am, I really am not. My 180 degree rule came home to roost. Ultimately, I am glad of it though. I really am. What I found last night was a sense of calmness and peace knowing that I had settled a small question about who I am. In and of itself, that doesn't make me a leader, but it's a small step closer to becoming an authentic one. And that is the purpose of all of this.</span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><br /></span></span>Fenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06348152970109407543noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-446049270059337405.post-90272519548752072922011-08-28T15:07:00.010-05:002011-08-29T05:43:48.839-05:00#134 A Man Apart Vol 1<span style="COLOR: rgb(0,0,0);font-family:arial;" >"It is well that war is so terrible, lest we should grow too fond of it"</span>
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<br /><span style="COLOR: rgb(0,0,0);font-family:arial;" >Robert E. Lee</span>
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<br /><span style="COLOR: rgb(0,0,0);font-family:arial;" >This post is about being a man. It is also a post about trying to see yourself as you truly are. Stripped of all pretense. In the heat of a contest; when the reality of your truth comes and stares you in the face. When your soul is laid bare and you have finally seen your authentic self. It is about a crucible of self-awareness that will either lead you through new doorways and to new layers of self-understanding, or it will lead you to a doorway that you find you cannot walk through. There is a lot hanging in that balance.</span>
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<br /><span style="COLOR: rgb(0,0,0);font-family:arial;" >It is also a post about just trying to be a guy. A guy who lives in the world of contradictions and mixed messages and confusion everyday about what it means to be a guy. A man walking the planet in 2011. It's a post about balancing the many roles that men have and not getting lost in all the confusion. </span><span style="COLOR: rgb(0,0,0);font-family:arial;" >It is also a post about coming to grips with some very basic parts of manhood and learning to see them, acknowledge them, and appreciate them. To stop hiding from yourself and to stop hiding yourself from the world.</span>
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<br /><span style="COLOR: rgb(0,0,0);font-family:arial;" >Ultimately, it is a post about trying to find clarity. About a lot of the things I have talked about in the last 21 weeks. It's a post about where my journey to find myself has led me.</span> <span style="COLOR: rgb(0,0,0);font-family:arial;" >When I started down this road 24 months ago, I knew that I was not being who I truly am, but I also couldn't figure out on my own who that true person is. I didn't feel right in my own skin, but didn't know why or who else to be. And then 5 months ago an incredibly special and wonderful person came into my life and together we started to peel that onion back, one layer at a time. I would not be where I am today without her. We have discovered the issues, we have looked at the reasons, we have figured out the manifestations, we have settled those that could be settled and then looked under the next layer of the onion to see what was there.</span>
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<br /><span style="COLOR: rgb(0,0,0);font-family:arial;" >At some point, I realized that the issues weren't really the problem at all, they were just the indicators, the satellites. She knew this all along, but it took me awhile to see it myself. If we wanted to deal with the real truth of me, then I was going to have to face myself. I was going to have to strip away the bullshit and look at the baselines. Today, while most of the issues in my life aren't totally settled, I do have some understanding or awareness of many of them. Sort of half the battle....I may not yet know how to fix or adjust or correct everything but at least I know they are there. At least I am looking. As my friend JD would say, I might be self-aware now, but I have not yet mastered self-regulation. Happily along the way, I've also discovered that there are some things that just don't need any fixing or repairing or adjusting. They are just fine exactly the way they are.</span>
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<br /><span style="COLOR: rgb(0,0,0);font-family:arial;" >As you go down a road like this though, somewhere along the way you run into certain fundamental questions: What does it mean to be a man? Where do you stack up on the hierarchical totem pole of manhood? How do you reconcile the various pulls and instincts that are at play in your life? What compromises have you made, willingly or not, to maintain that place? How do you lead, and how are you best led by others? Answering these elemental questions about yourself will certainly make you more self-aware; they allow you to see whether or not your assumptions about manhood will stand the test of the crucible of combat.</span>
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<br /><span style="COLOR: rgb(0,0,0);font-family:arial;" >A nation's Army is a unique thing. An Army is allowed legally sanctioned violence against other people on behalf of the government. An Army is legally allowed to kill. No matter how technologically advanced the weaponry, or how we couch the mission in patriotism or reasoning, an Army exists for one reason only: to visit violence, or the threat of violence and death on other people in pursuit of the nation's goals. Right or wrong, good or bad, just or not, and Army exists to bring violence. We certainly don't highlight that little gem of information, but at it's most elemental reason for existing in the first place, there it is....</span>
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<br /><span style="COLOR: rgb(0,0,0);font-family:arial;" >I am a Soldier. I am an Infantryman. An all-male world designed, built, equipped, and trained to do one thing. To do the elemental work of altering something by force.</span> <span style="COLOR: rgb(0,0,0);font-family:arial;" >And into that world, the Army world, and particularly the Infantry, we bring young men who have been cultured by a particular society at a particular time in history. They come as they are, with whatever understandings they have of how the world unfolds and is supposed to play out. And what the role of a man looks like at that time. And then we begin to change them. We fight the natural instinct for flight when surrounded by violence or potential threats by filling them with patriotism and duty and a sense of purpose. We call them liberators and protectors and defenders. They do what others will not. They draw a line in the sand and dare you to cross it. And, when done well, they never question these things, they will never look at them, and they will become willing to die for it. A very grey world is nicely packaged as black and white. Simple answers to complex and confusing questions. </span>
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<br /><span style="COLOR: rgb(0,0,0);font-family:arial;" >And along the way, some will come face to face with their manhood and when they do, something very primal will show up. They will likely face a side of themselves they have never seen before. A powerful and violent and frightening and beautiful and wonderful side of themselves. They will see the other side. The side that they do not pull out in our politically correct and often neutering world. </span>
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<br /><span style="COLOR: rgb(0,0,0);font-family:arial;" >I am not by nature a violent person. I have no innate desire to kill or injure anyone. I know how to do it, and I will do it, but it is not my inclination to be violent. And most men I know are like that. The vast majority in fact. They do not want to be violent or kill anyone, or do harm. But there is an allure to the physical contest of war and killing. An elemental and powerful call to see if you can meet that basic challenge that has not changed for centuries. The ultimate contest. To secure your place on the totem pole.</span>
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<br /><span style="COLOR: rgb(0,0,0);font-family:arial;" >There are three things operating in constant tension at all times for many men. And especially Soldiers who are Infantrymen. First, a basic human instinct for fight or flight. Violence or fear. Those are the options. I stay in the arena and accept that I may die violently, or I run. Most people's instinct for self-preservation is far stronger than their instinct to visit violence, so that has to be countered by training and conditioning. Second, an almost as strong need in men to secure for themselves the knowledge of whether or not they could, or would, willingly visit violence on another person. and finally, the pressure from the culture to conform to the values and norms and ideas prevalent at that time. A society that offers a very limited range of choices. Sports heroes, movie stars, sit-com dads and reality tv. And that message is clear too. You are either steeped in the violence and embrace the constant one-upmanship, or you are someone who only embraces the 'softer' side of emotional attachment and forever acquiescing because you are being blamed for every problem on the planet. </span><span style="COLOR: rgb(0,0,0);font-family:arial;" >It is very easy to get lost in all of that. Very easy to become confused by your own feelings and understandings, the mixed messages from the culture and society, the reality of whether or not you did or did not stand up to the crucible. Right now, that is where I am at. </span>
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<br /><span style="COLOR: rgb(0,0,0);font-family:arial;" >There is an aggression in me that lays just beneath the surface, carefully hidden away. There is also a fear mechanism that is as strong as any other in my body that colors a lot of how I operate. I train people to go to war, some of whom have not come back. I go home each day to a wife and a daughter and try to be a good husband and father. So don't a lot of my peers. Some have done this cycle four and five times over the last decade. Constantly moving from the violence of combat for 12 months to the loving and caring and doting men who come home to their families each night. Some can do it well. Some struggle. Some just get lost. Some, like me, come to the doorway and realize that something is missing and go searching for it. I didn't know what I would find, but I knew I had to find the courage to walk through it. Some will come to the doorway and find that they just do not really want to know the answer. Still others will probably remain blissfully unaware of how far from their true character they have really drifted. </span>
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<br /><span style="COLOR: rgb(0,0,0);font-family:arial;" >Where on the spectrum do you live? How do you tap into and manifest those parts of you that are true and live comfortably in your own skin? How do you find where you are on the man spectrum? How do you learn to live with all dichotomies? The truth is that each of us has to figure that out for ourselves. The blog is a part of that for me, and hopefully has challenged you in some of the same ways.</span>
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<br /><span style="COLOR: rgb(0,0,0);font-family:arial;" >We have a lot of problems today in the Army with Soldiers and leaders who cannot reconcile their actions in a combat zone - the basic behaviors necessary to survive and persevere and prevail, with the parts of themselves that desire to never visit violence on anyone. Who want to be counted as men who are loving fathers, and devoted husbands </span><span style="FONT-STYLE: italic; COLOR: rgb(0,0,0)font-family:arial;" >and</span><span style="COLOR: rgb(0,0,0);font-family:arial;" > capable of visiting violence when required. Who love the peacefulness of watching their children sleep at night as much as they loved the adrenaline rush and powerful feeling generated by a firefight. </span>
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<br /><span style="COLOR: rgb(0,0,0);font-family:arial;" >I do not have any answers tonight to these questions. I am still searching myself. Here is what I do know. I am a man learning to see himself more completely and more clearly. And each step I take has revealed to me, that on the whole, I am just fine. That there are no black and whites. That I am both capable of visiting violence and capable of crying over the sheer beauty of watching my daughter sleep at night. Both of those guys are me. And whether or not the rest of the world understands or approves, I have stood in the arena and been willing to be tested. And slowly, I am growing comfortable in my own skin again. </span>
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<br /><span style="COLOR: rgb(0,0,0);font-family:arial;" >As always, your thoughts and comments are welcome.</span>
<br />Fenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06348152970109407543noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-446049270059337405.post-16700832580624299632011-08-20T18:35:00.016-05:002011-08-21T12:25:55.082-05:00#133 Trust Me...<div style=" color: rgb(0, 0, 0);font-family:arial;"><span style="color: rgb(0, 0, 102);">"Trust yourself, then you will know how to live."</span>
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<br /><span style=" color: rgb(0, 0, 0);font-family:arial;" >This post is about learning to trust yourself above all others. It is about learning to shut out the din of the world around you and believing on a very basic level that your thoughts, feelings, ideas, interpretations, impressions, understandings etc are as real and valuable as anyone else's are. In fact, it is believing that yours are more real and more valuable than other people's simply because they are yours. Think about that for a moment. It's an important statement. My instincts, thoughts, feelings, ideas, understandings are as equally important and valuable to me as yours are to you. And because they are mine, ultimately, they are more important. Not in an arrogant way, but rather because I have to live with them. I have to act upon them. I have to stand alone with them. I have to be able to withstand criticism and doubt from others because of them. I have to fundamentally know that what I am thinking, believing, feeling and understanding in a particular moment is right for me. Maybe more importantly is realizing when something is wrong for me as well. </span>
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<br /><span style=" color: rgb(0, 0, 0);font-family:arial;" >Up until 5 months ago, I really didn't spend any time thinking about the <span style="font-style: italic;">idea</span> of self-trust. It was a given. Like most people, I lived my life and used my experiences and the teachings of other people - the world around me - to help form my judgement and vision. My understandings being formed in large measure by outside influences. I was not given to considering and forming my own independent thoughts and understandings. I was not given to asking myself how I felt about something. Did I like or dislike it? Did I agree or disagree with it? Was it instinctively comfortable or uncomfortable for me? I never spent a lot of time just listening to my internal trust mechanism. I would often let others determine the outcome and then acquiesce and go along, silently ignoring the little alarm bells that told me that something didn't sit right with me.</span><span style="color: rgb(0, 0, 0);"> And like any skill set that goes unused for too long, my ability for self trust slowly atrophied.</span>
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<br /><span style=" color: rgb(0, 0, 0);font-family:arial;" >Thoreau once said that "<span style="color: rgb(0, 0, 102);">The mass of men lead lives of quiet desperation.</span>" I think a lot of that desperation generates from a place where someone did not trust themselves and follow their own road and instead began a slow walk down the road of compromise. Slowly selling their soul for security or safety or material gain or for the acceptance of others. Those who do no do that, who never surrender themselves to any judgment except their own, those are the people we call complete. Those are the ones who trust themselves and allow themselves to live completely. Most of us do not. </span><span style="color: rgb(0, 0, 0);">Which are you?</span>
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<br /><span style=" color: rgb(0, 0, 0);font-family:arial;" >Self trust leads to self forgiveness. It actually increases our humanity. Inevitably, there will be things that we get wrong. Incorrect judgements and mistakes. The important part is to look at where we got things wrong and then file that away and grow from it. Not only is it fine to make those mistakes and grow from them, but it also develops the notion of letting go...that even if you do get something wrong, that you are perfectly capable of being fine wherever you end up. I am slowly learning to understand that. When you trust yourself, you can let go of controlling the outcome. Let the day take you where it may, you'll be just fine wherever you end up. I am learning to trust in the moment and my understanding of the moment. And then letting it go when another one approaches.</span>
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<br /><span style=" color: rgb(0, 0, 0);font-family:arial;" >Self trust leads to respect; both self respect and respect for others. Because you understand that other people's self trust mechanism is speaking to them as equally powerfully as yours speaks to you, then it is hard to deny them their right to a different point of view. The beauty of it though is that you can now take or leave those people you cannot find common cause with and never worry about what might happen. I do not accept your point of view, and I do not expect you to accept mine. And I am fine with that. Your judgement of me has no bearing on my own judgement of me. That's a tough sell in the world we live in. That my self-worth is wholly irrelevant of your judgment of me. Self trust says to the world, <span style="color: rgb(0, 0, 102);">"Here I am. Take me or leave me. That choice is yours. I will be fine whichever way you choose. Your choice to accept or reject me has absolutely no bearing on how I view myself."</span></span>
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<br /><span style=" color: rgb(0, 0, 0);font-family:arial;" >Self trust is liberating because it opens you up to see other options, to see other points of view, to gain a new and different perspective. Mostly because it is precisely the self trust mechanism that will inform you whether or not to accept or reject some other point of view. In fact, someone with a highly developed sense of self trust is likely to go actively searching for new and even uncomfortable ideas that challenge them. They do not get wrapped only in their own limited understandings. </span>
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<br /><span style=" color: rgb(0, 0, 0);font-family:arial;" >In the end, learning to trust yourself above all others, is really about seeing yourself authentically and accepting yourself as human and whole. It is about taking possession of yourself. Becoming responsible to yourself first. Accountable to yourself before anyone else. Reliant on yourself. Independent of others. Not bound by outside influence. Self trust is what allows you to tell your truth. And stand firmly on your piece of truthful ground. It is about loving yourself.</span>
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<br /><span style=" color: rgb(0, 0, 0);font-family:arial;" >My writing here has been described at times as both insightful and sophomoric. There have been comments on previous posts that have told me that I was really on to something and there have been people who have said that my thoughts each week are not the ruminations of a 43 year old man, but rather someone who is coming of age. And I think both are equally true. My personal journey has been a lot slower than my professional one. It was easy for me to rail against the Army and a lot of how it does business and develops it's people. My professional instincts are pretty solid. It is my personal ones that have taken more time to develop and catch up. Chief among the reasons for this slower development I think is the idea of learning how to trust myself implicitly. How to discover my truth. How to accept myself as whole and complete and good just the way I am. How to not be an armchair quarterback. How to take a stand in the arena. In a way, how not to be afraid, nor to care what you think about me. How to live. The people who find my work sophomoric mostly do so for that reason. They likely do not understand how someone can have an under-developed sense of self trust. I'm learning to see and appreciate now that, genius with something to say, or infantile rambler with no understandings worth a damn.....That choice is yours. I write, and you choose or don't choose to read. Either way, I have learned to trust the words on the page and the mind that put them there.</span>
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<br /><span style=" color: rgb(0, 0, 0);font-family:arial;" >Leadership has a lot of it's basis on the notion of trust. Leaders need to create environments that foster trust. Followers at a basic level follow because of trust. In the heat of a moment, when all rank and title and position have fallen by the wayside, one person will follow another on a purely instinctual level.....because they trust them. Because they feel that the person they are following is authentic. Real. We mostly call this natural leadership. That weird combination of brains, personality, and a strong belief that you are the right person, at exactly the right moment, facing these exact circumstances to get the mission done. That person who makes others want to do more, to be better, to grow and learn. Those are the natural leaders and every natural leader I know has one very common, very basic trait. The all possess a strong sense of self trust. </span>
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<br /><span style=" color: rgb(0, 0, 0);font-family:arial;" >Maybe it's time for each of us to listen very closely to ourselves. Are we becoming quietly desperate men, or are we willing to listen only to ourselves and follow those basic instincts and voices that tell us when we are really being authentically true to ourselves? </span>
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<br /><span style=" color: rgb(0, 0, 0);font-family:arial;" >Ironically, it just occurred to me that you, the reader, can probably trust me more now, than you could when you started reading this. At least you know that I am searching and listening and trying to discern what my truths really are. While I may not be able to do it correctly every time, I am learning to trust me and that is a hell of a lot further down the road than I was and slowly walking one step at a time away from a life of quiet desperation.</span>
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<br /><span style=" color: rgb(0, 0, 0);font-family:arial;" >As always, your thoughts and comments are welcome.</span>
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<br />Fenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06348152970109407543noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-446049270059337405.post-22461803822901894202011-08-13T19:51:00.007-05:002011-08-14T04:57:44.610-05:00#132 Authentically You<span style=" color: rgb(0, 0, 102);font-family:arial;" >"When others asked the truth of me, I was convinced it was not the truth they wanted, but an illusion they could live with."</span>
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<br /><span style=" color: rgb(0, 0, 102);font-family:arial;" >"When one is pretending, the entire body revolts."</span>
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<br /><span style=" color: rgb(0, 0, 0);font-family:arial;" >Anais Nin</span> <span style=" color: rgb(0, 0, 0);font-family:arial;" >
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<br />This is a post about authenticity. About finding out who you are and then having the guts to live that truth. To accept where and why and how you are most complete and to live your life so comfortably with that that you are able to live life on your terms. The truth of a person cannot be hurt. It is simply the truth. The lying and covering up of that truth is what causes most of a person's pain.</span>
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<br /><span style=" color: rgb(0, 0, 0);font-family:arial;" >This is also a post about how hard it is to live as the person you really are. How so much of who we are gets covered up by pressure from the outside world to conform to another standard or ideal. The pressure to never hold positions or ideas or opinions that are contrary to public opinion or the prevailing norm. For both men and women there are massive roadblocks throughout our lives that are enplaced to tell us that who we are isn't correct, or true, or honest and that we have to be this way or that, or look like this or that, or act like this or that, in order to succeed. The way we look, the way we dress, the role models available to us, the choices we make, those things we have been told are right and proper norms of behavior...All of these things have moved both men and women down some really confusing roads. The consequence of that has been the loss of authenticity for many many people. People may know who they present to the world, but are often very uncertain of who they really are. How can you be you, if there is always relentless pressure to be someone else? </span> <span style=" color: rgb(0, 0, 0);font-family:arial;" >
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<br />This conditioning starts early. Almost immediately. From our earliest days we are pushed and pulled into so many neat little columns. Little boys will be policemen or firemen or athletes, and little girls are princesses and ballerinas and play dress up and have tea parties. And it continually gets worse as we get older and the pressure to be something other than our true selves increases. By the time we reach adulthood, so many of us have completely lost who we are. What our truth is. We are playing roles that have been laid out for us as the right and proper way to be.
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<br /></span><span style=" color: rgb(0, 0, 0);font-family:arial;" >A lot of this institutionalization of identity happens in the workforce and the Army is no exception to that. As a huge enterprise, it has norms and customs and expectations of acceptable behavior and dress and political correctness that are as strict and stringent as any in the world. They are called requirements for maintaining good order and discipline, or tradition and heritage. And for a million perfectly good reasons, that is exactly as it should be, and exactly correct for the organization to survive. I am not positing that it should be any different than that. For an Army to prevail, it must have a set of standards that everyone in the organization adheres to. It would completely fall apart if it were any other way. It could not serve the country if it did not possess these binding expectations. </span> <span style=" color: rgb(0, 0, 0);font-family:arial;" >
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<br />But along the way, it does something to many of the members that can have disastrous consequences on how they lead other people. It leads them further and further away from their authentic selves. Until one day, they wake up and their entire identity has been subsumed by the Army itself. They are no longer capable of any definition of themselves beyond the title they hold and their place within the structure. They become too afraid of losing their status and position and title and perks to stand up and be exactly who they are. They have lost themselves inside the warm cocoon of the uniform. Wrapped themselves up in their place in the world. Become a character instead of being themselves.
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<br />For a long long time, that is exactly what happened to me. Hook, line and sinker, I bought the rhetoric and became exactly who the organization wanted. A poster boy for what a professional Non-commissioned Officer looked like. I accepted their requirements without contest and conformed exactly to their ideal. And ended up completely lost along the way. The organization had a very small black and white box and I lived inside of it completely comfortably. It had walls and limits and boundaries. Everything was a simple flow chart of Yes/No answers. It was mechanical and without any recognition of the complete majesty and magic of the individual. It is also a place of cowardice and weakness for many people. A place to hide from themselves. For many years, it was that place for me. I didn't have to look closely at myself, I had the Army to do it for me.
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<br /></span><span style=" color: rgb(0, 0, 0);font-family:arial;" >If authenticity, the complete truth of you, is a requirement for true understanding and real leadership, then coming to an understanding of it within ourselves is the first step. I must see who I was, understand the influences that formed me, find those areas that caused my body to revolt, and then go about the business of learning, introducing, and then accepting my true self. I must see who I really am. </span> <span style=" color: rgb(0, 0, 0);font-family:arial;" >Learning these truths is critical to the introduction of you to you. And when the truths are seen and then learned, and understood and accepted, an amazing thing happens..you suddenly stop being afraid of who you really are. There is no more hiding. No more covering up. No more lying to yourself and the world. No more illusion. And then you become authentic. And with the clarity of that knowledge, you can set forth into the world and withstand any criticism it might hurl at you.
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<br /></span><span style=" color: rgb(0, 0, 0);font-family:arial;" >I am slowly coming out of my bodies revolt. And I resolve to no longer provide you with the illusion you may want. I am so much more than just a small black and white box. I am much more complete, and messy, and hard to pin down than that. Each day, my authenticity is revealed to me a little bit more, but only because I possess the courage to go in search of it. Each of us has that courage, how many of us tap into it?</span> <span style=" color: rgb(0, 0, 0);font-family:arial;" >Are you willing to look for the authentic you?
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<br />Earlier this week, I read some thoughts that were shared about an article I co-authored with JD, a friend, and supporter of the blog. And as I read them, it was hard not to see the fear and lack of understanding that so many of these people possess. They are today in a place where I have already been. The only thing I can hope for is that they too, one day begin a journey such as I have. Then they might see the merit in the argument we proposed. </span> <span style=" color: rgb(0, 0, 0);font-family:arial;" >
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<br />This is me, folks, take me or leave me. I am learning and accepting and seeing who I exactly am. I might challenge you to do the same. It just might surprise you what you find out. It's a lot less scary than you think to be authentic, and a hell of a lot easier to find happiness in your world.</span> <span style=" color: rgb(0, 0, 0);font-family:arial;" >
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<br />As always, your thoughts and comments are welcome. </span> <span style="font-weight: bold;"><span style="font-weight: bold;">
<br /></span></span>Fenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06348152970109407543noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-446049270059337405.post-18278821958312180262011-08-06T06:33:00.007-05:002011-08-07T05:01:31.497-05:00#131 The Dragon Slayer<span style=" color: rgb(0, 0, 0);font-family:arial;" >For the last year or so, I have written almost exclusively about working to discover who you are. Who you <span style="font-style: italic;">really</span> are. About doing the personal excavation necessary to discover the true and elemental parts of yourself. In my understanding of this, the excavation would reveal strong and positive new parts of you, "<span style="color: rgb(0, 0, 102);">I am a happy person.", "I am a strong person.</span>" etc All positive statements. All about goodness...or at least what we commonly understand to be positive attributes in people.</span><br /><br /><span style=" color: rgb(0, 0, 0);font-family:arial;" >An equal truth would be a recognition of who and what you are not. Those parts deserve equal consideration too. If you are taking the journey of self-understanding and self awareness, it may be just as critical to come to an understanding and acceptance of those things that you are not as it is to become aware of those things that you truly are. They are flip sides of the same coin. Both an important part of your authentic self. If authenticity is the key for successful leadership, then to deny those things you are not is just as foolish as denying those elemental things that you are.<br /><br /></span><span style=" color: rgb(0, 0, 0);font-family:arial;" >This train of thought all came about because after 3 years of work, and countless hours and meetings and packaging of information, and briefings, and begging people for a chance, the marksmanship program that I created and was later supported and expanded by others just completed it's most successful week ever. Every Soldier who went through it qualified on their first attempt. 38% of them shot Expert. And the average score was a 33.5. Those are outstanding numbers. Almost unheard of in most units throughout the Army. A true accomplishment for my team and me. And yet, at the end of the day, I felt almost empty about the whole thing. It didn't seem to matter too much to me. I had done what I set out to do. What's next? I needed another dragon to slay.</span><br /><br /><span style=" color: rgb(0, 0, 0);font-family:arial;" >When I mentioned this to a friend of mine, she told me that it was my inability to enjoy happiness and success that made me feel this way. And that got me thinking...Am I truly unable to enjoy those things? Must there always be some challenge or problem in front of me? Is is all about finding a new dragon? The true answer is yes. I am most happy, most content, and truly me when I have a challenge in front of me. Once it has been conquered, I find myself at a loss.<br /><br /></span><span style=" color: rgb(0, 0, 0);font-family:arial;" >At another point, we had an exchange about the restlessness I feel when I have accomplished something. The, "<span style="color: rgb(0, 0, 102);">OK, I did it. Now what?</span>" feeling I get. The diminution of the importance of whatever it was that just got accomplished. And somewhere in that exchange, I came to this realization: It is just as false to try to deny parts of you that might be considered negative, as it is to fight the acceptance of parts of yourself that are positive. </span> <span style=" color: rgb(0, 0, 0);font-family:arial;" >It's not that I cannot be happy or accept success, it's that it is a fundamental piece of me that some of my happiness is derived from the challenges and obstacles that I face. <br /><br />I am an intense person. I like to think, argue, debate, plan, work, and consider. I thrive on challenges and problems to solve. And truthfully, if I don't have one in front of me, you'd best look out. I just might create one or two to have something to bitch about! (Any of you who read this and who know me are probably laughing right now!) I do not do laid-back very well. No one would ever mistake me for easy going. It's just not who I am. When I am truly happiest and most me, I am fully engaged in solving a problem, or thinking about something intensely, or facing a challenge. Like she said, "<span style="color: rgb(0, 0, 102);">You can drink a beer and listen to Buffett, but you are most you when you can bring all of your energy to bear against something. You are very powerful in those moments.</span>" And that felt very very true to me. </span> <span style=" color: rgb(0, 0, 0);font-family:arial;" ><br /><br />The problem with her statement isn't actually the statement itself. The problem is how that energy and power manifests itself in how I behave. It generally comes out in bursts of pent-up anger. The boiling over of little tiny things that are of no real consequence that, taken together, reach a tipping point and then I must rant. I must rant and yell and express my frustration. And it is generally done in an extremely sarcastic and belittling fashion to anyone within earshot. Doesn't mean I'm wrong, just means I'm being mean in order to vent and bleed off some of the intensity.<br /><br /></span><span style=" color: rgb(0, 0, 0);font-family:arial;" >And then she challenged me with this: Why couldn't that intensity, that drive, that focus and that energy be used to look for and cultivate positive things in my life? That stopped me cold. I literally had no answer. In fact, I couldn't even imagine what that looked like or how to do it. I just kind of stared at it dumbfounded. The only way that I know how to focus my energy and power right now is in the negative emotion of anger. </span> <span style=" color: rgb(0, 0, 0);font-family:arial;" ><br /><br />All of which leads me to this point about self-awareness. It isn't the truth of you that is good or bad, it's the behavior you use to manifest those truths. For me to try to become someone who can take the world day by day and meet all the unexpected twists and turns with e relaxed acceptance, and live in the moment and only for that moment, is just as much play acting and false as trying to deny that at heart I am a happy man. That I like to laugh and have fun. That I am an optimist most of the time. That I am hopeful. </span> <span style=" color: rgb(0, 0, 0);font-family:arial;" >For me to be truly me, powerfully authentic and real, I have to accept that the intensity will always be there. That it is as much a part of me as the laughter and hope. The trick is to learn to let it manifest itself honestly in ways that have a positive impact on my life and the lives of those around me. To take all of that power and all of that energy and use it in an enhancing way instead of in a detracting one. It doesn't deny an elemental part of me, I just need to learn to use it in a positive way.<br /><br /></span><span style=" color: rgb(0, 0, 0);font-family:arial;" >I am a dragon slayer. And while that may sound funny to you, it is a fundamental part of who I am. When I am completely engaged and completely focused and completely absorbed by the problem or challenge I face, I am - in that moment - most purely me. To pretend otherwise would be to deny me to myself. I cannot do that anymore readily than I can pretend that I am not a strong, powerful, active and engaged man, father, husband and leader. </span> <span style=" color: rgb(0, 0, 0);font-family:arial;" ><br /><br />So, are those parts of you that you most consider negatives actually so? Are they really 'good' or 'bad'? Or are they truly neutral? In and of themselves neither 'good' not 'bad', just parts of who you truly and authentically are. It may not be that your true self is either one or the other. It may only be that the way you manifest that truth has a positive or negative effect on those you lead. Something to think about.....</span><br /><br /><span style=" color: rgb(0, 0, 0);font-family:arial;" >In the meantime, I've got a few more dragons to slay.....</span> <span style=" color: rgb(0, 0, 0);font-family:arial;" ><br /><br />As always, your thoughts and comments are welcome.</span>Fenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06348152970109407543noreply@blogger.com6tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-446049270059337405.post-68156710525775290192011-07-31T05:26:00.005-05:002011-07-31T08:18:52.914-05:00#130 Reflections<!--[if gte mso 9]><xml> <w:worddocument> <w:view>Normal</w:View> <w:zoom>0</w:Zoom> <w:trackmoves/> <w:trackformatting/> <w:punctuationkerning/> <w:validateagainstschemas/> <w:saveifxmlinvalid>false</w:SaveIfXMLInvalid> <w:ignoremixedcontent>false</w:IgnoreMixedContent> <w:alwaysshowplaceholdertext>false</w:AlwaysShowPlaceholderText> <w:donotpromoteqf/> <w:lidthemeother>EN-US</w:LidThemeOther> <w:lidthemeasian>X-NONE</w:LidThemeAsian> 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font-family: arial; color: rgb(0, 0, 102);font-family:";font-size:100%;color:black;" >"Insist on yourself; never imitate. Your own gift you can present every moment with the cumulative force of a whole life's cultivation; but of the adopted talent of another, you have only an extemporaneous, half possession. That which each can do best, none but his Maker can teach him. No man yet knows what it is, nor can, till that person has exhibited it."<br /><br /></span><span style="line-height: 115%; font-family: arial; color: rgb(0, 0, 102);font-family:Calibri;font-size:100%;color:black;" ><span style="color: rgb(0, 0, 102);">"Another sort of false prayers are our regrets."</span><br /><br /><span style="color: rgb(0, 0, 102);">"Discontent is the want of self-reliance: it is infirmity of will."</span></span><span style="line-height: 115%; font-family: arial; color: rgb(0, 0, 102);font-family:";font-size:100%;color:black;" ><br /><br />"But I may also neglect this reflex standard, and absolve me to myself."<br /><br /></span><span style="line-height: 115%; font-family: arial; color: rgb(0, 0, 0);font-family:";font-size:100%;color:black;" ><span style="color: rgb(0, 0, 102);">"I must be myself. I cannot break myself any longer for you, or you. If you can love me for what I am, we shall be the happier. If you cannot, I will still seek to deserve that you should. I will not hide my tastes or aversions. I will so trust that what is deep is holy, that I will do strongly before the sun and moon whatever only rejoices me, and the heart appoints. If you are noble, I will love you; if you are not, I will not hurt you and myself by hypocritical attentions. If you are true, but not in the same truth with me, cleave to your companions; I will seek my own. I do this not selfishly, but humbly and truly. It is alike your interest, and mine, and all men's, however long we have dwelt in lies, to live in truth. 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mso-ascii-font-family:Calibri; mso-ascii-theme-font:minor-latin; mso-fareast-font-family:"Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-theme-font:minor-fareast; mso-hansi-font-family:Calibri; mso-hansi-theme-font:minor-latin;} </style> <![endif]--><span style="line-height: 115%; font-family: arial; color: rgb(0, 0, 0);font-family:Calibri;font-size:100%;color:black;" >All quotes from R.W. Emerson's "Self Reliance"<br /><br />This is post #130. It also marks the 2nd anniversary of 'Fen's Thoughts'. On August 2, 2009 I put my first words on these pages and sent them out into the world for consumption and consideration. At the end of my first post, I wrote:<br /><br /><span style="color: rgb(0, 0, 102);">"So, welcome to the discussion. I have no idea where it will lead, but no doubt that it will be a hell of a ride."</span><br /><br />And so it has been. Two years,130 posts, a great discussion, a new world opened up to me and great friends made along the way. There are too many people who have read or commented or engaged me about my work here to thank each of them individually, but it is true that this journey has showered great gifts upon me and I have been blessed to have many opportunities present themselves along the way. The greatest of which has been the undying support and friendship of those who read these pages. So, today I just want to take a moment and thank each of you who read this each week. You have blessed my life. Thank you.<br /><br />But what have I learned along the way? What has these past 2 years shown me? What insight do I have now, or what have I learned, that I did not know when I started? These thoughts have been swimming around this week as I considered today's post. What are the real leadership lessons that I have learned over the course of this journey?<br /><br />I think everything will eventually boil down to the beginning lines from Emerson above:<br /><br /><span style="color: rgb(0, 0, 102);">"Insist on yourself; never imitate....</span>"<br /><br /><span style="color: rgb(0, 0, 102);">"Discontent is the want of self-reliance."</span><br /><br /><span style="color: rgb(0, 0, 102);">"But I may also neglect this reflex standard, and absolve me to myself."</span><br /><br /><span style="color: rgb(0, 0, 102);">"I must be myself. I cannot break myself any longer for you, or you."</span><br /><br />Everything I have written can be summed up in those 4 lines. My journey through these pages has been about coming to this particular place. To coming to an understanding of what those 4 lines mean really mean. To seeing how far I had drifted from that elemental place and to fighting my way back. Over the past 2 years, each of those lines has had its' own time to shine and its' own place along the way.<br /><br />I started the early posts from a place of discontent and a railing against a 'reflex standard'. Between Black Hearts and the posts surrounding leader accountability and responsibility, and my place in that platoon at that time, to my attacks against the Army leader development system in its' present form, all those posts where about 2 different sides of me. The first looking for absolution and the second blaming the system that helped create me for any failings I might have. The truth though, something I would slowly come to over time, is that in Black Hearts I was not being myself, and in my railings about the Army, I was attempting to shift responsibility for any of my shortcomings to anyone or anything but myself. I had then and have now the instinct and ability to lead. I did not accept then the full measure of that responsibility. I did not accept and take responsibility for me. I suspect that many others also do not understand the full impact of what that responsibility is. I was playing a role that I falsely accepted as truth instead of leading. I was doing what I thought you wanted me to do instead of listening and doing what I know I should have done. I should have offered myself, my talents and my singular abilities to that platoon in their fullest measure and I did not. It took over 100 posts to see that.<br /><br />As my journey continued, I began to look at the system and the future. There are things written over a year ago that are only now beginning to see the light of day throughout the Army. When I gave my mind free reign to think and ponder and talk about leadership of other human beings, in many ways, I have been ahead of the curve for a little while. Army leader development has a bright future after 10 years at war. I am filled with hope now that institutionally, there will be a move towards the personal introspection and learning that the blog has provided for me. </span><span style="line-height: 115%; font-family: arial; color: rgb(0, 0, 0);font-family:Calibri;font-size:100%;color:black;" >It <span style="font-style: italic;">is</span> the critical endeavor.<br /><br />Finally, the last 17 posts. From #113 until today. My journey into myself. Learning how to <span style="color: rgb(0, 0, 102);">"Insist on myself; never imitate."</span> Learning to <span style="color: rgb(0, 0, 102);">"Absolve myself to myself."</span> Learning that <span style="color: rgb(0, 0, 102);">"I must be myself. I cannot break myself any longer for you, or you."</span> There is no greater requirement for a leader of any industry or pursuit than to understand, ingest, and follow those words. They are in fact, the bedrock of all leadership. The marrow of a leader's bones. The absolute conviction of the self-possession of your soul and the absolute recognition of who and what you are. This is the truest measure of leadership. When you can lead yourself honestly. When you can speak your truth quietly and clearly. When you have excavated enough of the trappings of your life that you can see yourself precisely for who you are today, completely irrespective of what anyone else might think. If there is a journey worth taking, this is the one to take. Only after learning to lead yourself can you authentically lead others.<br /><br />My journey over the last 2 years has been one of growth. Sometimes slower than others, but nevertheless, a constant movement towards today. It is not complete and never will be. Awhile back one of my readers sent me a note that described some of my work as adolescent in its' understandings. Although well written and thoughtful and at times provocative, it still didn't resonate with the truth of a 43 year old man. As I look back over the past 130 posts, it occurs to me that the 4 sentences from Emerson are the sum total of what I have learned so far. It has taken 2 years for me to get to this doorway. And now I can step through it. As I look forward to the years ahead, I am optimistic that learning and truly understanding the depths of them - only for me and not anyone else - is the next part of the journey. I hope you will continue to walk with me. It has been an amazing ride so far and I have thoroughly enjoyed every step of our time together. <br /><br />A final thought from Emerson:<br /><br /><span style="color: rgb(0, 0, 102);">"</span></span><!--[if gte mso 9]><xml> <w:worddocument> <w:view>Normal</w:View> <w:zoom>0</w:Zoom> <w:trackmoves/> <w:trackformatting/> <w:punctuationkerning/> <w:validateagainstschemas/> <w:saveifxmlinvalid>false</w:SaveIfXMLInvalid> <w:ignoremixedcontent>false</w:IgnoreMixedContent> <w:alwaysshowplaceholdertext>false</w:AlwaysShowPlaceholderText> <w:donotpromoteqf/> <w:lidthemeother>EN-US</w:LidThemeOther> <w:lidthemeasian>X-NONE</w:LidThemeAsian> <w:lidthemecomplexscript>X-NONE</w:LidThemeComplexScript> <w:compatibility> <w:breakwrappedtables/> <w:snaptogridincell/> <w:wraptextwithpunct/> <w:useasianbreakrules/> <w:dontgrowautofit/> <w:splitpgbreakandparamark/> <w:dontvertaligncellwithsp/> <w:dontbreakconstrainedforcedtables/> <w:dontvertalignintxbx/> <w:word11kerningpairs/> <w:cachedcolbalance/> 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mso-pagination:widow-orphan; font-size:11.0pt; font-family:"Calibri","sans-serif"; mso-ascii-font-family:Calibri; mso-ascii-theme-font:minor-latin; mso-fareast-font-family:"Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-theme-font:minor-fareast; mso-hansi-font-family:Calibri; mso-hansi-theme-font:minor-latin; mso-bidi-font-family:"Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-theme-font:minor-bidi;} </style> <![endif]--><span style="font-family:"Georgia","serif""><span style="font-family: arial; color: rgb(0, 0, 0);font-size:100%;" ><span style="color: rgb(0, 0, 102);">What I must do is all that concerns me, not what the people think. This rule, equally arduous in actual and in intellectual life, may serve for the whole distinction between greatness and meanness. It is the harder, because you will always find those who think they know what is your duty better than you know it. It is easy in the world to live after the world's opinion; it is easy in solitude to live after our own; but the great man is he who in the midst of the crowd keeps with perfect sweetness the independence of solitude."</span><br /><br />As always, your thoughts and comments are welcome.</span><br /></span>Fenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06348152970109407543noreply@blogger.com0